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'Does writing a $100,000,000 check to a GOP presidential candidate, for which I got nothing in return, count as a charitable contribution?'
"I would, but I don't want to push you into a higher tax bracket."
Standup comic doing pro-bono work in isolated rural area.
'Your very generous charitable contribution shows up as this very slight blip right here.'
'I'm not a panhandler any more, sir -- I'm a charitable contribution solicitation associate.'
'If it were not for my charitable contributions I wouldn't be able to stand myself.'
"Papi, more Hispanic kids than ever before now live in poverty."
'It's a fund-raising dinner for the needy ... but hopefully none of them will be there.'
"So, with the discretionary add-ons for saving the rain forest, global warming,subsidy, green trading and eco-damage limitation, these two coffees will have cost us £37, right?"