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"They do very well in a talk show format."
"Not many lemmings survive the experience, let alone write a book about it."
"And after the break, I'd like to show everyone a clip from my latest film."
"You two are so horrible and hopeless that I'm going to have to refer you to the Jeremy Kyle Show."
'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'
'I finished doing the green plants around 11 pm on the sixth day, a Saturday I think...and the rest,as they say, is history.'
"I'm not raising your allowance!"
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I neglected to talk over you."
"We've had to rename it, no one watches talk shows anymore."
"It's rather embarrassing to admit but I haven't got any famous parents, I achieved my success through my own merit."
"Hunger and thirst were bad. . . some people around me collapsed. . . and by the time I got home the kids were grown up and my wife had long since remarried. . . well, Ed. . . that was one hell of a long cash desk queue!"
"My next guest is a mob of angry villagers!"
"Come on now answer the question, I want something that can be taken out of context and make the show go viral on twitter."