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"Oh, I beg your pardon – I'm just looking for my husband."
"Gays and lesbians aren't a threat to the sanctity of my marriage. It's all the straight women who sleep with my husband."
"There goes my ex-husband and his Mid-Life crisis!"
"Incidentally – for what it's worth – she's your age.'
'Got to go, it's my wife. I think she's on to us.'
"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."
"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."
"Hold it right there buster! Is that a wedding ring I can see?"
'You know you're the only woman in the world for me, Barbara, except for my wife of course.'
"Don't worry about my wife seeing us. She wouldn't be seen dead in a place like this..."
Wife assumes gift from husband means he feels guilty for something.
'My wife would never hunt us down here!'
'I don't mind-it sobers him up for the drive home!'
I suppose you'll tell me to avoid the booze. Yes, also married women!
'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'
'Just as I suspected. Cheating on out diet!'
'Well here's your final pub quiz question: Whose is the blonde hair on your jacket?' (wife to husband).
'He only has a chaser when his missus finds him with a girlfriend'
'But don't you remember,this morning,telling me to have a nice day at the office,dear?'
'I think he's got a fancy woman - someone's been darning his socks.'
'You must be mistaken, Mrs Gosling, our Mister Gosling assured me last night that he was single and carefree....'
"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."