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"My wife is all in the eye of the beholder."
"Why, that's blackmail!"
"Remember when you could create a vast business empire and then bring it to ruin with just a pen and a napkin."
"My best friend!"
"I knew we were in trouble the moment my wife suggested we go for a drink in a singles bar."
'I apologized on national television, begged my wife for forgiveness, and sales went through the roof. I am now contemplating having an affair with my secretary.'
"Quick - you'd better scarper! My husband'll be home in three weeks!!"