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"Since my mother was rarely home, I guess I blame my nanny."
"Bye bye, sweetie. Daddy and I will pick you up when you're eighteen."
"This time I'm going to have to give you a citation, Britney."
"I would have gotten that report to you sooner, but I wasn't held enough as a child."
"You coming out pretty soon, Mom?"
"The authorities have detected no signs of child abuse other than a sharp rise in childhood obesity."
Cat on phone to newspaper, voice says: 'For the last time ... we're not interested in stories about 'home alone' cats.'