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Initially excited about the possibilities of email, God lost interest when he discovered someone was already using his favorite screen name.
The Sharpest thing there is: Christ's Pocket Knife
"We do pretty well when you stop to think that people are basically good."
'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'
Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,
"Everyone wants to known what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."
Tags:complication, complicated, complications, relationship, relationships, father, fathers, dad, dads, son, sons, father-son, jesus, bible story, bible stories, gospel, gospels, dysfunctional relationship, dysfunctional relationships, god, new testament, christianity, wwjd, what would jesus do, christian, christians
Tags:mimosa, mimosas, brunch, brunches, jehovah's witness, jehovah's witnesses, jehovahs witness, jehovahs witnesses, drink, drinks, cocktail, cocktails, breakfast, breakfasts, christian, christians, christianity, proselytize, proselytizes, proselytizing, proselytise, proselytises, proselytising, door-to-door, harass, harasses, harassment
Moses Awaits The Word Of God
Tags:moses, mt sinai, sinai, mount sinai, religion, religions, religious, religious figure, religious figures, voice of god, god, heaven, heavens, christian, christians, christianity, exodus, book of exodus, ten commandments, is typing, typing, seen, left on read, tech, technology, app, apps, social media, social medias, modern, modern world, visual gag, visual joke
Noah's Arc Gift Shop
Tags:gift shop, gift shops, souvenir, souvenirs, souvenir shop, souvenir shops, gift bag, gift bags, museum, museums, noahs arc, noah's arc, genesis, the great flood, book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, christianity, judaism, visitor information centre, visitor information centres, modern life, modern attitudes, consumerism, capitalism, profiteering
"...and keep me a normal, healthy, American girl."
Cash / EZ-Pass / Wages of Sin.
"Are these microphones, O Lord, on?"
Tags:televangelism, televangelist, televangelists, tv, television, t v, modern, modern life, modernity, modern world, camera, cameras, lights camera, minister, ministerial, pastor, pastors, church, churches, churchs, mic, mics, microphone, microphones, god, gods, lord, lords, christian, christianity, evangelical, evangelism, evangelical christian, american ministry, ministry, bible, biblical, language
"God must have been very pleased."
Tags:france, note-dame, cathedral, cathedrals, church, churches, architecture, architect, architects, religion, religious, christianity, christian, christians, catholic, catholics, catholicism, god, happy, pleased, impressive, impressed, worship, worshipping, landmark, landmarks, medieval, history, historical, gothic, art, tourist, tourists, tourism
The Twelve Speech Writers
Tags:last supper, leonardo da vinci, renaissance art, speech writer, speech writers, speech writing, speech-writer, speech-writers, twelve disciples, 12 disciples, gospel, gospels, bible story, bible stories, new testament, religious beliefs, bible lesson, bible lessons, bible quote, bible quotes, bible teaching, bible teachings, proverb, proverbs, christian, christians, christianity
"I'm really excited about this opportunity, but I'm hoping there's room to negotiate the title? What about 'Rises-to-the-Occasions-Mary?', or 'Cool-Under-Pressure-Mary?'
Tags:mary, virgin mary, gabriel, angel gabriel, angel, angels, message from god, messages from god, nativity, nativity story, birth of christ, christianity, title, titles, job title, job titles, impressive job titles, embarrassing job titles, negotiate, negotiates, negotiation, promotion, opportunity, opportunities
"Being around Jesus brings out all my apostle issues."
"She'll be driving six white horses when she comes. I can't compete with that."
Tags:child, children, children's song, kids, kid, kid's song, kid's songs, she'll be coming round the mountain, competition, competitions, compete, competing, attraction, grand entrance, christian song, religion, religions, religious, christian, christians, christianity, comparing, gossip, gossiping, smack talk, talking smack, talking trash, trash talk
Jesus Feeds the 5K
Tags:communion, jesus, jesus christ, the end is nigh, the end is near, religion, religions, religious, christian, christians, christianity, run, runner, runners, running, jog, jogging, jogger, joggers, refreshment, refreshments, volunteer, volunteers, wine, bread, marathon, marathons, race, races, racing
"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."
Tags:braces, glasses, nerd, nerds, nerdy, nerdiness, late bloomer, late bloomers, rejection, rejections, rejecting, cool, coolness, popular, popular kid, popularity, popular kids, unpopular, class reunion, class reunions, reunion, reunions, glasses, messiah, messiahs, christ, jesus christ, christian, christians, christianity, recognition, recognize, recognizes, recognizing, cool kid, cool kids, loser, losers, reject, rejects, rejection, rejections
Then on the Eighth Day
Tags:god, heaven, creation, creationism, creationist, creationists, the creation, genesis, book of genesis, the book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jew, jews, jewish, theism, theist, theists, religions, writers block, writer's block, creative block, artists block, artist's block, creation myth, in the beginning, give up, giving up, given up, run out of ideas, running out of ideas, rest, resting, relax, relaxing, taking a break
Tags:crucifix, crucifixes, cross, crosses, christian, christians, christianity, priest, priests, vicar, vicars, preacher, preachers, spoon, spoons, cutlery, utensil, utensils, compete, competition, practical, practicality, glasses chain, glasses chains, envy, envious, surprise, surprises, surprised, unconventional, unconventionality, individual, individualistic, individualism, individuality
First Unified Church of Anti-Clinton
Tags:government, governments, politics, politician, politicians, bill, clinton, republican, republicans, gop, religious, religion, religions, church, freedom of religion, evangelical, christian, christians, christianity, right wing, thoughts and prayers, president, presidents, election, elections, voting, voter, voters
"If you're being raptured, throw me your wallet."
Tags:religion, religious, rapture, raptured, going to heaven, christian, christians, christianity, evangelicalism, fundamentalist, poor, panhandler, panhandlers, panhandling, beggar, beggars, begging, tramp, tramps, homeless, homeless person, homeless people, wallet, wallets, money, cash, man, men, businessman, businessmen, rich, wealthy, well-off, pentecostal, pentecostals, pentecostalism
Creation: The True Story