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"For kids who think they can be naughty again after Christmas, I'm the Re-Po Elf."
Tags:christmas, xmas, yule, noel, elf, elves, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, troublesome, kid, kids, child, children, behavior, behaviour, bad behavior, bad behaviour, repo, re-po, repossession, repo man, repo men, repossession agent, repossession agents, naughty or nice, santa's list
"Was I upset when you gave me a full day of beauty?"
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, bad relationship, bad relationships, fitness, unfit, exercise, exercising, exercise machine, exercise machine, insult, insults, overweight, over-weight, criticism, criticising, gift, gifts, christmas, christmas time, christmas gift, christmas gifts, present, presents, christmas presents, christmas present
'Well, don't just stand there Tommy! Open it up and see what's inside!'
Magical box of chocolates.
Tags:food, chocolate, chocolates, box of chocolate, box of chocolates, chocolatier, chocolatiers, confectionery, confectioneries, confectioner, confectioners, candy maker, candy makers, candy making, sweets, candy, gift, gifts, present, presents, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, xmas, christmas, disappearing, disappeared, eating, magic, magical, delicious, tasty, addicting
'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'
"It could be post holiday depression, but then, I got really nice gifts."
"When we agreed not to give each other anything, I certainly didn't mean nothing at all."
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, long term relationship, long term relationship, long-term relationship, long-term relationships, bad relationship, bad relationships, marital fight, marital fights, domestic, domestics, domestic argument, domestic arguments, spousal dispute, spousal disputes, christmas, christmas time, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, misunderstanding, misunderstanding, miscommunication, miscommunications, christmas time
Tags:gift, gifts, suspense, birthday, birthdays, birthday present, birthday presents, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, xmas present, xmas presents, xmas gift, xmas gifts, birthday gift, birthday gifts, expectation, expectations, bated breath, excitement, excited, tenterhook, tenterhooks, eager, eagerness, bated-breath
"All I know is that some of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten have come from secular humanists."
Tags:christmas, xmas, yule, noel, gift, gifts, present, presents, christmas tree, christmas gift, christmas gifts, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas trees, party, parties, holiday party, holiday parties, christmas party, christmas parties, cocktail party, cocktail parties, religion, religious, philosophy, philosopher, philosophers, secular humanism, humanism, secular, war on christmas, secular humanist, secular humanists, humanist, humanists
"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."
Tags:fortune-telling, fortunetelling, fortune, fortunes, fortune-teller, fortune-tellers, fortuneteller, fortunetellers, fortune teller, fortune tellers, psychic, psychics, future, prediction, predictions, predicting, client, clients, customer, customers, crystal ball, crystal balls, crystallomancy, crystal-gazing, scrying, vision, visions, see the future, seeing the future, divination, seer, seers, occult, supernatural, gift, gifts, present, presents, christmas, xmas, yule, noel, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, do not open, patience
"Next Christmas, I drive the cattle, you go see Mom."
Tags:old west, wild west, western, westerns, mid-west, midwest, regional, cowboy, cowboys, horse, horses, cattle drive, cattle drives, herding cattle, ranch, ranches, rancher, ranchers, ranger, rangers, christmas sweater, christmas sweaters, ugly, christmas, xmas, noel, yule, gift, gifts, present, presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, christmas present, christmas presents, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, parent, parents, adult kid, adult kids, adult child, adult children, family, families
How to believe in yourself.
'Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk. Timmy.'
"We got you a dreidel."
Tags:dreidel, dreidels, hanukkah, chanukah, nativity, nativity scene, jewish, jewish kid, jewish kids, jealous, christmas, manger, mangers, judaism, christmas season, holiday season, manger, mangers, christmas day, cold comfort, wise men, wise man, gift, gifts, christmas gift, christmas gifts, present, presents, christmas, shpasik, jtoons
'If you're thinking of getting me any of those gifts...'
'Well of course I'm not Santa! He contracts out!'
Christmas gift exchange - bah humbug
"I try to keep the Christmas spirit by having credit-card debt all year long."
Tags:christmas, christmas time, winter, winter time, christmas spirit, consumerism, capitalism, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, debt, in debt, credit card, credit cards, credit-card, credit-cards, credit card debt, credit card debt, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas shopping, chirstmas gift, christmas gifts
'When Oxfam said to give a goat for Christmas I think they meant to a third world country,'
'To be honest, I was hoping for an Xbox.'
'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'
"I said, remind me to tahnk your mother for giving Jimmy the drum for Christmas!"
Tags:christmas, christmas gift, christmas gifts, christmas present, christmas presents, drum, drums, present, presents, gift, gifts, annoyance, annoyances, irritation, irritations, irritating, loud, mother-in-law, mothers-in-law, grandmother, grandmothers, gran, grans, grandma, grandmas, x-mas, xmas, holidays
Mrs Claus Gives Santa a Chimney Toilet.
Santa crawling out of log burning stove.
"Truth is, I could never do it all without the miracle of corporate sponsorship."