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'See? I told you he was real.'
'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'
'Uh oh, did we get anything for the snail this year?'
'Feed the homeless' - 'I'm a cute puppy'
Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.
It was at times like this he realised the value of a more personal insurance service.
"I got the tree down, dear."
Tags:christmas, christmas tree, christmas trees, christmas time, christmas decoration, christmas decorations, taking down the decorations, 12 days of christmas, incompetent, incompetence, chainsaw, chainsaws, hyper masculine, hyper masculinity, idiots, idiots, stupid, stupidity, lazy, laziness, literal interpretation, literal interpretations, following orders, following instructions
"Was I upset when you gave me a full day of beauty?"
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, bad relationship, bad relationships, fitness, unfit, exercise, exercising, exercise machine, exercise machine, insult, insults, overweight, over-weight, criticism, criticising, gift, gifts, christmas, christmas time, christmas gift, christmas gifts, present, presents, christmas presents, christmas present
'Well, don't just stand there Tommy! Open it up and see what's inside!'
a Lump of coal
Tags:christmas, christmas movie, christmas movies, christmas time, christmas stocking, christmas stockings, stocking, stockings, christmas present, christmas presents, feel good movie, feel good movies, feel-good movie, feel-good movies, christmas movie, christmas movies, depressing, miserable, lump of coal, lumps of coal, naughty list, the naughty list, naughty or nice, cinema, cinemas, movie theater, movie theaters, movie theatre, movie theatres, stocking filler, stocking fillers
'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'
Extra Large Christmas Tree
Tags:christmas tree, christmas trees, christmas time, christmas, big christmas tree, oversized christmas tree, christmas decoration, chirstmas decorations, too big for the door, doorway, doorways, tight doorway, tight doorwats, small doorway, small doorways, first world problems, tall christmas tree, tall christmas trees, mistake, mistakes, misjudge, misjudgement, wrong, size, wrong measurements, bad measurements
Tags:security, security guard, security, metal detector, scanner, body scanners, santa, santa claus, father christmas, christmas, christmas time, santas grotto, santa's grotto, modern life, modern attitudes, mall santa, mall, malls, shopping malls, shopping mall, shopping center, shopping centers, shopping centre, shopping centre, full body scanner, security body scanner, over cautious, overcautious, elf, elves, santa's elves, santas elves, north pole, the north pole
"Miss Harwood, please see to it that the halls are decked."
Tags:executives, executive, business executives, business executive, business executives, manager, managers, boss, bosses, business manager, business managers, christmas, christmas time, christmas decoration, christmas decorations, lazy, laziness, deck the halls, decking the halls, intercom, intercoms, assistant, assistants, pa, pas, secretary, secretaries, killjoy, killjoys
"It's safe to open the door. They're singing Christmas-carol parodies."
"When we agreed not to give each other anything, I certainly didn't mean nothing at all."
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, long term relationship, long term relationship, long-term relationship, long-term relationships, bad relationship, bad relationships, marital fight, marital fights, domestic, domestics, domestic argument, domestic arguments, spousal dispute, spousal disputes, christmas, christmas time, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, misunderstanding, misunderstanding, miscommunication, miscommunications, christmas time
"My name is Morris Mandlebaun, I'm 28 years old and I want a tell, blond, blue-eyed shiksa."
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, christmas, christmas time, christmas wish, christmas wishes, mall santa, mall santas, inappropriate, inappropriateness, girlfriend, girlfriends, single, singles, bachelor, bachelors, lonely, loneliness, shiksa, shiksas, white people, white girl, white girls, christmas list, christmas lists, unreasonable request, unreasonable requests, asking too much, unexpected, immature, immaturity, childish, childishness
"For Christmas we're making a contribution in your name to some charity or other."
Tags:charity, charities, charitable donation, charitable donations, charity donation, charity donations, christmas spirit, the christmas spirit, work present, work presents, disappointment, disappointments, let down, let downs, let-down, let-downs offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, christmas, christmas time, modern life, philanthropy, philanthropist, philanthropists
"This is definitely not going to be good for the economy!"
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, funeral, funerals, dying, dead santa, priorities, bad priorities, wrong priorities, the economy, the market, stocks and shares, financial market, the financial market, christmas cheer, christmas spending, christmas time, christmas shopping, public mood, the public mood, recession, recessions, the recession, spending habits, consumer habits, consumer spending
Pirate peg leg Christmas stocking.
"I knew I heard caroling last night!"
Tags:caroling, carolling, carol singer, carol singers, carol singing, chirstmas carol, christmas carols, christmas time, singer, singers, singing, cold weather, freezing weather, frozen, getting cold, getting frozen, neglect, neglects, dedicated, dedication, determined, determination, persevere, persevering, perseverance
Help Support Santa Off-Season
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, charity, charities, charity donation, charity donations, charitable donation, charitable donations, collection box, collection boxes, charity box charity boxes, christmas time, christmas, unemployed, unemployment, the unemployed, redundant, made redundant, redundancy, laid off, laid-off, lay off, lay-off, off season, off-season, off-peak, off-peak, poor, poverty, jobless, beg, begging, beggar, beggars, no work, no jobs
Testing the Waters
"I'm like most people, I guess––a mixture of good and bad."
Tags:santa, santas, father christmas, santa claus, mall santa, mall santas, shopping centre, shopping centres, shopping centers, shopping centers, shopping mall, shopping malls, visit santa, santas grotto, santas grottos, santa's grotto, santa's grotto, naughty or nice, naughty list, the naughty list, santas list, santa's list, chistmas, christmas time, christmases, christams season, good and bad, personality, personalities, self aware, self awareness, self-aware, selfaware, child, kid, kids childhood, behaviour, behaving, christmas list, christmas lists
If we don't restructure our manufacturing base abroad to minimise core costs and increase margins and profit ratios then I fear we're in danger of forgetting what Christmas is actually about!