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"He ain't heavy, Father. He's a noodle."
If the confessionals a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!!!"
"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."
'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'
"It's not just the church that needs evangelists. So does big oil."
Tags:church, churches, evangelist, evangelists, evangelical, evangelicals, big oil, oil company, oil companies, spokesman, spokesmen, spokesperson, spokespeople, praise, praises, praising, shill, shills, shilling, corporation, corporations, megacorporation, megacorporations, mega-corporation, mega-corporations, run interference, runs interference, running interference, minister, ministers, reverend, reverends, priest, priests, pastor, pastors
'I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore, but thanks to bingo I still get to church once a week.'
Priest getting stained glass glasses.
"Don't get secular with me, pal."
Tags:secular, secularism, secularize, secularizes, church, churches, religion, religious, threat, threats, threatening, state, separation, separation of church and state, cliche, saying, sayings, don't get, bar, drink, drinks, drinking, church and state, non religious, atheist, agnostic, agnosticism, atheism
"And the Lord spoke to the children of Israel and said, 'Thou must forswear these practices which are a blasphemy and an abomination in my sight, you know what I'm saying?'"
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, preacher, preachers, sermon, sermons, bible, biblical, old testament, exodus, book of exodus, deuteronomy, book of deuteronomy, moses, commandment, commandments, ten commandments, 10 commandments, decalogue, casual, informal, understandable, slang, modern language, modern english, modern life, you know
"Still Undecided Political Blocs"
Tags:politics, political, politically, politician, politicians, elect, elected, election, elections, campaign, campaigning, campaigns, campaigner, campaigners, chief, chiefs, clash, culture clash, culture clashes, clashed, clashing, stereotype, stereotypes, voter, vote, votes, voters, example, examples, bloc, blocs, absurd, political bloc, political blocs, church, churches, church and state, pro-war, oil men, christian, texas, texan, american, america, american politics, trust-funded, trust-fund, gun, guns, enthusiast, enthusiasts, cross, cross over, crossover, cross-over
"God must have been very pleased."
Tags:france, note-dame, cathedral, cathedrals, church, churches, architecture, architect, architects, religion, religious, christianity, christian, christians, catholic, catholics, catholicism, god, happy, pleased, impressive, impressed, worship, worshipping, landmark, landmarks, medieval, history, historical, gothic, art, tourist, tourists, tourism
"Are these microphones, O Lord, on?"
Tags:televangelism, televangelist, televangelists, tv, television, t v, modern, modern life, modernity, modern world, camera, cameras, lights camera, minister, ministerial, pastor, pastors, church, churches, churchs, mic, mics, microphone, microphones, god, gods, lord, lords, christian, christianity, evangelical, evangelism, evangelical christian, american ministry, ministry, bible, biblical, language
"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, sermon, sermons, parish, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, church-goer, church-goers, sick, sickness, ill, illness, disease, diseases, death, dying, church fund, church funds, donation, donations, offering, offerings, money, punishment, punishments, blessing, blessings, money-hungry, greedy, greed, sin, sins, grotesque
"I'm afraid this is auf Wiedersehen, Padre. Estelle and I are setting up our own little religion."
"If I've learned one thing in my long reign, it's that heat rises."
Tags:hot air, high ceiling, high ceilings, rise, rises, physics, geophysics, chemistry, cold, cold house, cold houses, cold home, cold homes, insulate, insulation, insulated, temperature, temperatures, freeze, freezes, freezing, monarch, monarchs, king, kings, architect, architects, architecture, church, churches, cold, shiver, shivers, shivering
A grotesque looks at another grotesque who is wearing a baseball cap.
Tags:demon, demons, devil, devils, monster, monsters, creature, creatures, gargoyle, gargoyles, grotesque, grotesques, art, sculpture, sculptures, statue, statues, church, churches, cathedral, cathedrals, architecture, architect, architects, gothic, baseball cap, baseball caps, fashion, style, hat, hats
"And may the Lord in his wisdom see to it that we get our hands on some of that government scratch."
Regular Confession and Express Booth.
"How many bad habits do you have to have to equal once vice?"
Tags:habit, habits, bad habit, bad habits, sin, sins, sinner, sinners, vice, vices, morality, ethics, ethical, penance, forgiveness, hail mary, priest, priests, minister, ministers, religion, repentance, repent, mortal sin, mortal sins, religion, catholicism, christianity, church, churches, places of worship, place of worship, level of offense, guilt, conscience
'Ed moves that we buy new choir slickers and adjourn for pizza. Do I hear a second?'
"I could be a saint if I really wanted to."
'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'
"For your penance say five 'our fathers' and five 'hail Marys'. Thank you for sharing that with me."
Tags:confession, confessional, confessionals, confessing, confess, church, churches, religion, religions, priest, priests, catholic, catholics, penance, penances, penitent, penitents, prayer, prayers, guilt, guilty, thank you, thanks, give thanks, appreciation, appreciate, customer service, customer services, conscience, consciences, confessional booth, confession booth, parish priest, parish priests
'The love of money is the root of all evil? Is that the whole treasurer's report?'
"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"