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'It's out new method for determining who we should treat first. We take people in order of how loud they scream.'
'That's right! No huffing a puffing for 30 minutes on a treadmill. We've developed a new stress test that is faster and more accurate.'
The latest innovation in air travel: convertible jets.
A black belt in karate as well as a chiropractor, Dr. Glynn attempts to adjust the spines of three patients all at once.
'... which in turn will cause side effects of nausea, for which I'm giving you Trylitol, which will induce temporary blindness, which I'll counteract with...'
'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'
'Mr. Simms, I think you have a very strong case for malpractice regarding your hip replacement.'
Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.
'So, for the next three months while your brain is healing, one of our neurology volunteers, Karl, will be helping you think.'
'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'
'It says right here in your contract, folks: 'Some settling may occur during the first year'.'
'OK, Mrs. Dunn. We'll slide you in there, scan your brain, and see if we can find out why you've been having these spells of claustrophobia.'
'I want to thank each of you for coming through in the clutch, putting in some overtime and seeing this project through to completion.'
'Considering the price of natural gas vs. cat food, I calculated that it's cheaper to heat the house with the body heat of 50 cats.'
'I have to say I had a different impression of what Reiki is all about.'
'Our defibrillator paddles are broken! Stick his hands in this toaster!'
'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'
'Your HMO isn't convinced that you need surgery. When I say 'action!' start writhing and moaning wildly.'
'Me? I'm an ambulance driver.'
'The test results are in. The tightness in your chest and numbness in your extremities are caused by the biking outfit you're wearing.'
To appease the fans, major-league umpires are now required to take eye exams during the seventh inning stretch.
As the others opened up with industrial-strength air freshener, Connie tackled the annual cleaning of the office refrigerator.
With three hours in costume still ahead of them, Mike was becoming increasingly dismayed as Ed wolfed down his third bowl of beans and cabbage.
'He never starts surgery until he can play the game three times in a row without messing up.'
'If this ever stops running, just smack it here a bunch of times and it should start right up.'