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"Guess you were right, chief--I just needed to be burped."
"My son is a millennial—I should just go to jail for him."
"The tiny winged beings, Sire, are called gnats."
"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."
"Mother, I get enough pressure from my peer group without getting it from you."
The Abominable Snowmom
Dunce stool at school with safe space on cap.
"Stop coding the dog, Fred! He should have to bury his bones himself!"
'My children have never been mollycoddled. A couple of them have been coddled, but not mollycoddled.'
'The inmates are complaining their swimming pool is dirty? Do they think we coddle our prisoners here?!'
'Well, technically, he's left the nest: He just happens to live next door...'