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'We're not here to mourn, but to celebrate, because frankly, no-one is sorry to see him go...'
'If you're on a budget, we can curl him up.'
'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'
'It was his last request. He was a track star in college.'
'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'
"I'm well aware that being dead and buried has weakened my position in the corporation."
Tags:dead, status, status update, status updates, coffin, coffins, funeral, funerals, corporation, corporations, corporate mentality, corporate mentalities, weakened position, weakened positions, demotion, demote, demotes, demoted, demotions, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, executive, executives, dark humor, dark humour
"Sorry, still rerouting."
Tags:gps, parade, parades, carnival, carnivals, mistake, mistakes, reroute, rerouting, funeral, funerals, coffin, coffins, modern life, modern times, modern technology, modern technologies, funeral bearer, funeral bearers, undertaker, undertakers, funeral director, funeral directors, dark humour, black humour, float, floats, carnival float, carnival floats
Queer Eye for the Dead Guy
"I can't budge this t'ing. We shoulda popped him before he had dinner."
Tags:interrogate, interrogation, interrogates, interrogating, mob, mobs, mobster, mobsters, mob boss, mob bosses, mafia, mafia boss, mafioso, organised, organized, organised crime, organized crime, criminal, criminals, question, questioning, tortured, violence, violent, kid, kids, invert, inversion, subvert, subversion, subverted, subverting, subverts, inverts, dinner, burial, burials, coffin, coffins, weight, fat, full
"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."
"If that thing says one word, I'm leaving!"
Tags:funeral, funerals, ventriloquists dummy, ventriloquists dummies, ventriloquist's dummy, ventriloquists' dummies, ventriloquist, ventriloquists, dummies, creepy, creeped out, ventriloquism, ventriloquy, performer, performers, funeral service, funeral services, coffin, coffins, memorial service, memorial services
A funeral for a businessman.
A Pac-man coffin
Tags:coffin, coffins, open casket, open caskets, open casket funeral, open casket funerals, funeral, funerals, death, dead, 80s video game, 80s video games, 80s arcade games, 80s arcade game, eighties video game, eighties video games, eighties arcade game, eighties arcade games, games, gaming, arcade, arcades, arcade game, arcade games, video game, vidoe games, computer game, computer games
I'd rather be alive
"Please, I need time to decompose myself."
Paul Ryan, used health salesman
Tags:use car salesman, salesman, salesmen, salesperson, salespeople, coffin, coffins, death, obamacare, aca, affordable care act, the patient protection and affordable care act, ahca, american health care act, trumpcare, medical insurance, medical care, medical bills, health care reform, health care reforms, gop, republican, repiblicans
"I would have thought you'd be pleased."
"He looks so natural."
Tags:screen time, screentime, screen-time, screen addict, screen addicts, screen addiction, screen addictions, mobile phone, mobile phones, cellphone, cellphones, smartphone, smartphones, gadget, gadgets, open casket, open caskets, mourner, mourners, mourning, griever, grievers, grief, griefs, funeral, funerals, coffin, coffins
'He just snapped.'
"First we find the bedbugs, Ma'am, then we drive tiny stakes through their wee black hearts."
Tags:exterminator, exterminators, exterminate, pest, pests, pest removal, pest control, insect, insects, bedbug, bedbugs, bug, bugs, coffin, coffins, vampire, vampires, blood-sucking, stake, stakes, heart, hearts, drive, driving, black heart, black hearts, killing, kill, invasion, infest, infestation, removal
"I was hoping taxes would go first."
Tags:irs, i.r.s., internal revenue service, tax, taxes, taxation, money, tax office, tax offices, taxman, taxmen, death, grim reaper, grim reapers, reaper, reapers, embodiment of death, death personified, spectre of death, thanatos, angel of death, death and taxes, funeral, funerals, wake, wakes, casket, caskets, coffin, coffins, dead
Tags:history, historical, footmen, footman, litter, litters, sedan chair, sedan chairs, litter-bearer, litter-bearers, litter bearer, litter bearers, chairmen, chairman, porter, porters, running, carriage, carriages, vehicle, vehicles, transportation, imagination, dream, dreams, dreaming, daydreaming, imaginary, death, dead, coffin, coffins, casket, caskets, funeral procession, funeral processions, pallbearer, pallbearers, corpse, corpses, dead body, dead bodies, treason, king, kings, sovereign, sovereigns, ruler, rulers, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, royal, royalty
"I don't want to remember her like this. I want to remember her for the mean thing she said in 1981."
Tags:death, dead, funeral, funerals, funeral service, funeral service, wake, wakes, memorial, memorials, memorial service, memorial services, casket, caskets, coffin, coffins, dead body, dead bodies, corpse, corpses, mourn, mourning, mourner, mourners, bereaved, grieving, remember, remembering, remembrance, remembering the dead, memory, memories, mean, mean comment, mean comments, comment, comments, petty, grudge, grudges, holding a grudge, resentful, resentment, bitter, relationship, relationships, family, families
"It's what he'd want, Mom—they're all together now."
Tags:taxidermy, head, heads, animal, animals, animal head, animal heads, trophy, trophies, hunting trophy, hunting trophies, hunting, hunter, hunters, shooting, shooter, shooters, hobby, hobbies, sport, sports, game hunting, game hunter, game hunters, stuffed, stuffed head, stuffed heads, death, dead, funeral, funerals, coffin, coffins, casket, caskets, dead body, dead bodies, corpse, corpses, funeral service, funeral services, memorial, memorials, wake, wakes, together in death, together at last
Tags:matryoshka, matryoshka doll, matryoshka dolls, nesting doll, nesting dolls, doll, dolls, nested doll, nested dolls, eulogy, coffin, coffins, death, dead, died, dying, die, funeral, funerals, bereavement, bereaved, eulogy, eulogies, pay respects, visual gag, visual joke, remembrance, ornament, ornaments, trinket, trinkets, tat