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"Consider yourself served."
'We'll have to take this one - he invented the software we're using to make the selection.'
"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."
'I see you have a rich and generous father. You're in.'
"This is going to set of a whole batch of legal admissions challenges."
You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...
'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'
"For admission, we consider the student's grades, test scores and credit score."
"No, accepting students who are unqualified is not what we mean by diversity."
'I read your college application essay. First of all, the word 'college' has to 'L's'.'
"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."
"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."
'It's refreshing that you performed community service for some reason other than to get into a good college.'
"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"
No, we don't offer a degree in forwarding emails.'
'Hi, I understand you're having a hard time finding qualified minority students.'
'...Not getting in, too big a bribe...'
"My dad paid $2.5 million to get me into this college--they're offering him $3 million to take me back."
"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."
"I hear her parents paid someone off to get her in here."
"I can't believe that Derek got into university!"
"Your sat scores were low, but the good news is your credit score is over 800."