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"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, doctor, doctors, nurse, medical, medicine, healthcare, health care, patient, patients, coma, comas, unconscious, out cold, knocked out, sleeping, asleep, sick, ill, sickness, illness, bedside manner, fun, funny, prank, pranks, joke, jokes, marker, markers, doodle, doodles, doodling, draw, drawing, drawings, writing, write
Coma for twenty years
'The readings look good, but just in case, when was the last time the system was checked for bugs?'
'We're here to question mar.'
"He's going to be even more of a vegetable."
Tags:black humour, vegetable, vegetables, veggie, veggies, veg, carrot, carrots, tomato, tomatoes, tomatos, doctor, doctors, md, mds, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, in surgery, patient, patients, vegetative, vegetative state, vegetative states, in a vegetative state, operating, operation, operations, operation theater, operating theaters, operating theatre, operating theatres, dying, coma, comas, in a coma, fatally ill, fatal illness, incurable, incurable illness, incurable illnesses
'See? You missed one. When you pull the plug, be sure to pull them all.'
'Slap me when he's done. I'm putting myself into a self-induced coma.'
"He's dreaming he's on a roller coaster."
'I'm afraid there's no change in the patient.'
"I'm confident he'll pull through. The tests show there is plenty of fight left in him."
'To be or not to be - well yes, but what about coma, trance, vegetative states, reincarnation, near death experience, cryogenics?'
It's your night to do the dishes.'
'You were clinically dead for over a week. Gave us all quite a little scare.'
'Squeeze my hand if you want us to hold your job for you.'
"He's doing great—he'll be back in a vegetative state in no time."
'Wake up! You've got to take a new disability test...'
Tags:nhs, national health service, coma, comas, coma units, benefits assessment, benefits assessments, coma unit, intensive care, benefits, disability, disability rights, benefit fraud, sickness benefit, coma, ill, illness, sick, sickness, benefits, doctor, doctors, gps, health, test, tests, testing, hospital, hospitals, benefits frauds, benefits cheat, benefits cheats
"For a hopeless vegetable it's amazing the way he's been able to maintain his sense of humor."
What Editors Do
'We just set a new record for tubes and wires in one patient.'
"She's in a conversationally induced coma."
Tags:coma, comas, dates, dating, conversation, boring conversation, boring conversations, pass out, passing out passed out, couple, couples, difficult relationship, difficult relationships, disinterest, disinterested, lose consciousness, losing consciousness, lost consciousness, cafe date, cafe dates, boring, bored boredom, para-medic, paramedic, paramedics, medic, medics, ambulance, ambulance, emergency call, emergency calls, emergency service, emergency services, unnecessary, overuse of emergency services, induced coma, induced comas
"And if she doesn't file?"
"No He didn't just fall asleep. He's COMA TOES."
Operating room attendent explaining 'And this one is wired directly to his lawyer...'
'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'
"I'm not a musician but I was unplugged."