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"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."
Tags:phony, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, nag, nags, nagging, jewish mother, mom, mom, mother, mothers, parent, parents, disappointment, disappointments, passive aggressive, passive-aggressiveness, fake, fakes, faking, faker, fakers, brother, brothers, ne'er do well, compare, compares, comparison, success, successful, con man, con men, con artist, con artists, con, cons, confidence man, confidence men, expectations, high expectations
Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News
Tags:alum, alums, alumni, alumnae, chance encounter, chance encounters, old friend, old friends, college friend, college friends, art school, art schools, visual arts, visual arts major, visual arts majors, faux pas, cringe, cringes, cringing, awkward, awkward scenario, awkward scenarios, awkward scene, awkward scenes, copywriter, copywriters, writing copy, copy, advertising agency, advertising agencies, career, careers, success, successes, successful, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, waitress, waitresses, fail, fails, failing, failure, failures
"How are her scores?"
Tags:score, scores, test score, test scores, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, parent, parents, parenting, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, pride, proud, toddler, toddlers, competitive, competition, competitions, stroller, strollers, start young, starts young, starting young, kid, kids, young age, overbearing
'You think you've got a bad knee? Let me tell you about a bad knee, my brother.'
Tags:basketball, basketballs, basketballer, basketballers, knee injury, knee injuries, injure, injures, injury, injuries, injured, injuring, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, complain, complains, complaining, complainer, complainers, complaint, complaints, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
With and without a starter.
Tags:run, runs, running, runner, runners, start, starts, starting, started, starter, starters, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, race, races, racing, racer, racers, athlete, athletes, athletics, starting gun, starting guns, gone, uncontrolled, controlled, controlling, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"Can I see that 'National Law Journal' when you're through with it?"
A man reads the obituary and compares his age to the deceased.
Tags:age, obit, obits, obituary, obituaries, dead, dying, die, dies, mortality, mortal, mortals, long life, long lives, short life, short lives, compare, compares, feel your age, feeling your age, ageing, aging, grow old, grows old, growing old, comparison, comparisons, insecure, insecurity, insecurities
'Sir, I suggest we analyze our current cash flow situation in light of the obvious thematic parallels it has with several classic short stories!'
"Well, now that we've established that we're all wearing Tommy Hilfiger underwear, can we proceed to the substance of the meeting?"
Tags:designer, designers, designer label, designer labels, fashion designer, fashion designers, pissing contest, pissing contests, underwear, underpants, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, divert, diverts, diverting, diversion, diversions, boardroom, boardrooms, board room, board rooms, meeting, meetings, business meeting, business meetings, drop your pants, drop your trousers, business culture, corporate culture
'When you're a kid, you keep score with report cards. When you grow up, it's credit scores.'
"Some of us are unsung heroes."
Tags:hero, heroes, heroic, unsung hero, unsung heroes, superhero, superheroes, superheroic, converse, conversing, converses, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, unfavorable comparison, unfavorable comparisons, contrast, contrasts, contrasting, out-of-favor, out-of-favour, threatened, threatening, accomplishment, accomplishments
Snow White and Sleeping Beauty Have Tea
Tags:gossip, gossips, gossiping, sleeping beauty, snow white, compare, compares, comparing, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairytale, fairytales, legend, legends, compare notes, comparing notes, comparison, comparisons, comparing, out of body experience, out of body experiences, experience, experiences, gossip, gossips, gossiping
"Yes, I must admit I've done rather well here."
"Arthur and I have been together now for four and a half years, which is a personal best for both of us."
Tags:marriage, marriages, long-term relationship, long-term relationships, serial monogamist, serial monogamists, monogamy, personal best, personal bests, date, dates, dating, dating life, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, record, personal record, personal records, achievement, achievements, personal achievement, personal achievements
"Oog creates fire and all you can come up with is that silly round thing!"
Tags:wife, wives, caveman, cavemen, neanderthal, neanderthals, cave man, cave men, invention, inventions, inventor, inventors, invention of the wheel, wheel, wheels, invention of fire, fire, comparison, comparisons, compare, compares, comparing, misunderstood, misunderstood in their time, misunderstood in his time, underestimate, underestimates, underestimation, underestimations
Ramon was truly a polished performer...walking backwards up a spiral staircase, blindfolded and totally unassisted, while comparing private health insurance packages!"
Tags:complicated, complicated process, complicated processes, performer, performers, performance, performances, performing, health insurance, health insurance package, health insurance packages, terms, terms and conditions, legalese, lawyerese, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, comparing, walk and chew gum, walking and chewing gum
"Tommy and Ben are like Green Berets, Dan and Jerry are Navy Seals and me and Scott are like private contractors."
Tags:private contractor, private contractors, merc, mercs, mercenary, mercenaries, contracting, contract work, green beret, green berets, navy seal, navy seals, elite, elites, fighting force, fighting forces, squirtgun, squirtguns, squirt gun, squirt guns, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, hyperbole, hyperbolic, exaggerate, exaggerates, exaggerating, asinine, ridiculous
"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."
Tags:writer, writers, novel, novella, novels, novel writing, poem, poet, poetry, poets, poetic, literature, literary, word play, play on words, ironic, irony, author, authors, authored, book, books, book lover, writing, should be writing, you should be writing, manuscript, artistic, artist, artists, art, arts, culture, cultured, writer's block, bookworm, book worm, bookworms, book worm, book, books, novel, novels, library, librarians, librarian, book lover, book lovers, literature, literary, lit, lit major, read, reading, avid reader, readers, reader, novel, novels, novelist, novelists, ghostwriter, ghostwriters, signing, book signing, bookshop, bookshops, meet the, fame, famous, celebrity, celebrities, plays, play, playoff, playoffs, cap, caps, hat, hats, compare, compares, merchandise, merchandising, merch, gimme, sports
"You need to stop comparing yourself to other people."
Tags:compare, compares, comparing, comparing yourself, comparison, comparisons, insecure, insecurity, insecurities, short, short person, short people, compare yourself, comparing yourself, therapist, therapists, therapy, psychologist, psychologists, psychology, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatry, inferior, inferiority complex, inferiority complexes, complex, complexes, worry, worries, worrying, anxiety, anxieties, chronic anxiety
"I am so past enlightenment."
Tags:enlightenment, enlightened, buddhist, buddhists, buddhism, monk, monks, religious, philosophy, philosopher, philosophers, brag, brags, bragging, braggart, braggarts, arrogant, arrogance, cocky, cockiness, humility, humble, humbleness, compare, compares, comparing, hypocrite, hypocrites, hypocrisy
"If you think Columbus is steamed, wait till you run into Harry Truman."
Tags:columbus, truman, harry truman, christopher columbus, revisionist, revisionists, revisionist history, revisionist histories, villain, villains, villainous, bush, george bush, george w. bush, angel, angels, american, americans, historian, historians, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, insult, insults, insulting, reevaluate, reevaluates, reevaluation, american history, united states history, columbus day, afterlife, afterlives
"If I apply for early Social Security, I get this. If I wait until I only have one life left, I get this."
"Compared to the Howells, we still are young Republicans."
Tags:young republican, young republicans, republican, republicans, republican party, age, ages, aging, ageing, demographic, demographics, geriatric, geriatrics, senior, seniors, senrior citizen, senior citizens, identity crisis, midlife crisis, midlife crises, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, worry, worries, worrying, mortal, mortals, mortality, gop, grand old party
"Dermatology? That sounds interesting. Myself, I've always been in cardiology."
Tags:mouse, rat, lab, lab animal, experiment, dermatology, cardiology, medical, lab rat, lab rats, lab mouse, lab mice, line of work, lines of work, networking, cardiologist, cardiologists, dermatologist, dermatologists, career, careers, career track, career tracks, meet and greet, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, lab animal, lab animals
"Why don't you try one before you start comparing them to oranges?"
Tags:apple, apples, fruit of knowledge, tree of knowledge, tempt, tempts, tempting, temptation, temptations, adam and eve, adam & eve, garden of eden, serpent, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, comparing, apples to oranges, cliche, cliches, saying, sayings, expression, expressions, idiom, idioms, judgement, judgements, judgemental, judgment, judgments, judgmental, invalid, inaccurate, imprecise