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"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."
Tags:phony, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, nag, nags, nagging, jewish mother, mom, mom, mother, mothers, parent, parents, disappointment, disappointments, passive aggressive, passive-aggressiveness, fake, fakes, faking, faker, fakers, brother, brothers, ne'er do well, compare, compares, comparison, success, successful, con man, con men, con artist, con artists, con, cons, confidence man, confidence men, expectations, high expectations
Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News
Tags:alum, alums, alumni, alumnae, chance encounter, chance encounters, old friend, old friends, college friend, college friends, art school, art schools, visual arts, visual arts major, visual arts majors, faux pas, cringe, cringes, cringing, awkward, awkward scenario, awkward scenarios, awkward scene, awkward scenes, copywriter, copywriters, writing copy, copy, advertising agency, advertising agencies, career, careers, success, successes, successful, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, waitress, waitresses, fail, fails, failing, failure, failures
"How are her scores?"
Tags:score, scores, test score, test scores, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, parent, parents, parenting, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, pride, proud, toddler, toddlers, competitive, competition, competitions, stroller, strollers, start young, starts young, starting young, kid, kids, young age, overbearing
"I see you as a little bee, Kutner. Buzz, buzz, buzz, go make some honey."
Tags:boss, bosses, bee, bees, employee, employees, see, sees envisage, envisaging, image, compare, compares, comparing, insect, insects, rude, derogatory, hard worker, hard working, honey, worker bee, worker bees, lesser being, unequal, not an equal, rude, embarrass, embarrassing, buzz, buzzing, corporate ladder, glass ceiling, corporate hierarchy
'You think you've got a bad knee? Let me tell you about a bad knee, my brother.'
Tags:basketball, basketballs, basketballer, basketballers, knee injury, knee injuries, injure, injures, injury, injuries, injured, injuring, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, complain, complains, complaining, complainer, complainers, complaint, complaints, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"The caterers haven't shown up, the musicians are late, and the elevator is broken. We might as well be living in a Third World country."
Tags:rich, the rich, aristocrat, aristocrats, aristocracy, let down, being let down, melodramatic, over the top, ridiculous, wealth, wealthy, class, classes, affluent, comparison, compares, comparing, ridiculous, third world, third world country, poor, first world problems, out of hand, helpless, sympathetic, unsympathetic, absurd, unbelievable, disbelieving
With and without a starter.
Tags:run, runs, running, runner, runners, start, starts, starting, started, starter, starters, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, race, races, racing, racer, racers, athlete, athletes, athletics, starting gun, starting guns, gone, uncontrolled, controlled, controlling, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"Can I see that 'National Law Journal' when you're through with it?"
A man reads the obituary and compares his age to the deceased.
Tags:age, obit, obits, obituary, obituaries, dead, dying, die, dies, mortality, mortal, mortals, long life, long lives, short life, short lives, compare, compares, feel your age, feeling your age, ageing, aging, grow old, grows old, growing old, comparison, comparisons, insecure, insecurity, insecurities
'Sir, I suggest we analyze our current cash flow situation in light of the obvious thematic parallels it has with several classic short stories!'
"I hate my thighs."
Tags:hippo, hippos, hippopotamus, hippopotamuses, animal, animals, mammal, mammals, african, african, savannah, african savannah, african savannahs, thigh, thighs, hate, hates, hating, body image, body confidence, self-confident, self-confidence, low confidence, self-esteem, low self-esteem, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, social media, self hate, self-loathing, fat, obese, overweight, eating problems, eating disorders
"Well, now that we've established that we're all wearing Tommy Hilfiger underwear, can we proceed to the substance of the meeting?"
Tags:designer, designers, designer label, designer labels, fashion designer, fashion designers, underwear, underpants, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, divert, diverts, diverting, diversion, diversions, boardroom, boardrooms, board room, board rooms, meeting, meetings, business meeting, business meetings, drop your pants, drop your trousers, business culture, corporate culture
'When you're a kid, you keep score with report cards. When you grow up, it's credit scores.'
"Some of us are unsung heroes."
Tags:hero, heroes, heroic, unsung hero, unsung heroes, superhero, superheroes, superheroic, converse, conversing, converses, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, unfavorable comparison, unfavorable comparisons, contrast, contrasts, contrasting, out-of-favor, out-of-favour, threatened, threatening, accomplishment, accomplishments
Snow White and Sleeping Beauty Have Tea
Tags:gossip, gossips, gossiping, sleeping beauty, snow white, compare, compares, comparing, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairytale, fairytales, legend, legends, compare notes, comparing notes, comparison, comparisons, comparing, out of body experience, out of body experiences, experience, experiences, gossip, gossips, gossiping
"No, don't worry about it, it definitely looks better on you."
Tags:women, woman, young women, teenager, look, looks, dress, dresses, outfit, outfits, match, matches, matching, compare, compares, comparing, insecure, insecurity, insecurities, low confidence, wear, wears, wearing, better, attractive, jealous, jealousy, reassure, reassuring, insult, insults, insulting, fast fashion, retail, outlet, outlets
Man wears t-shirt reading 'Average in the US... but BIG in Europe."
Tags:family, families, obese, obesity, large, overweight, america, united states, child obesity, adult obesity, europe, europian, europians, unhealthy, overeat, overeating, comapre, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, average, majority, common, fat, underexercise, underexercised, t-shirt, t-shirts, show off
"Yes, I must admit I've done rather well here."
"Arthur and I have been together now for four and a half years, which is a personal best for both of us."
Tags:marriage, marriages, long-term relationships, serial monogamist, serial monogamists, monogamy, personal best, personal bests, date, dates, dating, dating life, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, record, personal record, personal records, achievement, achievements, personal achievement, personal achievements
"Oog creates fire and all you can come up with is that silly round thing!"
Tags:wife, wives, caveman, cavemen, neanderthal, neanderthals, cave man, cave men, invention, inventions, inventor, inventors, invention of the wheel, wheel, wheels, invention of fire, fire, comparison, comparisons, compare, compares, comparing, misunderstood, misunderstood in their time, misunderstood in his time, underestimate, underestimates, underestimation, underestimations
"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"
Tags:taxi, taxis, cab, cabs, tourist, tourists, traveller, travellers, travelling, new york, n.y.c., new york city, uzbekistan, yellow cab, yellow cabs, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, similar, similarity, similarities, expectation, expectations, national pride, patriot, patriotism, joke, jokes, joking
"I tell you, it's way easier to put up bookshelves."
Tags:snail, snails, shell, shells, home, homes, house, houses, compare, compares, comparing, comparison, comparisons, square, square shape, square shaped, modern, modernise, modernised, bookshelf, bookshelves, rectangle, rectangular, easier, easy, circular, swirl, swirls, swirly, modern home, modern homes, book, books, storage, compact
Ramon was truly a polished performer...walking backwards up a spiral staircase, blindfolded and totally unassisted, while comparing private health insurance packages!"
Tags:complicated, complicated process, complicated processes, performer, performers, performance, performances, performing, health insurance, health insurance package, health insurance packages, terms, terms and conditions, legalese, lawyerese, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, comparing, walk and chew gum, walking and chewing gum
"Oh Mother, you're such a child."
"Tommy and Ben are like Green Berets, Dan and Jerry are Navy Seals and me and Scott are like private contractors."
Tags:private contractor, private contractors, merc, mercs, mercenary, mercenaries, contracting, contract work, green beret, green berets, navy seal, navy seals, elite, elites, fighting force, fighting forces, squirtgun, squirtguns, squirt gun, squirt guns, compare, compares, comparison, comparisons, hyperbole, hyperbolic, exaggerate, exaggerates, exaggerating, asinine, ridiculous