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"We can be yours, but you must agree to our terms and conditions."
Curing Hemorrhoids Seminar
'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'
"Don't worry Phil, we're just moving you down to four."
"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."
Tags:early detection, diagnosis, diagnoses, medical advance, medical advances, terminal, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, uncurable, condition, conditions, pearly gates, afterlife, st. peter, saint peter, heaven, heaven's gate, rare disease, rare diseases, disease, diseases, illness, illnesses, sickness, sick, prolonging life
"And then it hit me: I'm salivating over a goddam bell."
Tags:dog, dogs, psychologist, psychologists, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, counselor, counselors, counseling, counsellor, counsellors, counselling, therapy, therapist, therapists, salivate, salivating, ivan pavlov, pavlovpavlov experiment, experiment, experiments, animal experimentation, animalexperiment, animal experiments, condition, conditioning, classical conditioning, pavlov dogs, bell, bells, ringing a bell, ringing bells
"Whole wheat toast. Leave the gluten in."
"Actually, this is the one condition your insurance does cover."
"Be still, my atrial fibrillations!"
"I can't afford to take on any new conditions at this time."
Tags:medication, medications, med, meds, healthcare, prescription charge, prescription charges, health insurance, pharmacy, pharmacies, wealth gap, wealth divide, doctors appointment, doctor's appointment, public health coverage, treatment, treatments, expensive treatment, expensive treatments, medicine, medicines, condition, conditions, medical condition, medical conditions, getting old, ageing, getting older
"Before you say anything, let me tell you which TV shows I don't want spoilers on."
Tags:desert island, desert islands, marooned, castaway, castaways, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, priorities, wrong priorities, bad priorities, spoilers, tv, television, tv spoilers, television spoilers, screen addicts, screen addict, screen addiction, condition, conditions, hopeful, hopefulness
'Look out, here comes that ding-a-ling Pavlov again.'
'Great news. There's a new, highly effective app for what you've got.'
Employees must wash hands.
Tags:hand, hands, employees must wash hands, bathroom, bathrooms, toilet, toilets, sign, signs, clean, cleans, cleaning, cleanliness, employee, employees, hygiene, hygienic, unhygienic, condition, conditions, toilet, toilets, toilet break, toilet breaks, potty break, potty breaks, bathroom break, bathroom breaks, dismember, dismembers, dismembering, dismemberment, amputations, amputate, amputates, amputating, letter of the law
'Under privacy rules, I can't tell you anything about your condition. You'll have to find out yourself from a medical web site.'
Tags:preexisting conditions, pre-existing conditions, preexisting condition, pre-existing condition, condition, conditions, annoying, preexisting, pre-existing, stupid, dumb, obnoxious, weird, strange, devious, sneaky, sly, crafty, personality, personalities, personality trait, personality traits, disposition, dispositions, types of people
"Ah! - now when I said 'Stool sample'....."
Good intentions last a month on average
Tags:good intentions, good intention, new year's resolution, new year's resolutions, new years resolution, new years resolutions, goal, goals, ambition, ambitions, gym, gyms, gym membership, gym memberships, good intentions, good intention, ice cream, ice cream parlor, ice cream parlour, ice cream parlors, ice cream parlours, pop-up, pop up, condition, overweight, new year, new years day
The Pursuit of Happiness
Rustler's Leg Syndrome
"I need to be upfront...with me you only get the one wish, the granting of which depends on your behaviour!"
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, saint nicholas, st. nick, st. nicholas, kris kringle, aladdin, magic lamp, magic lamps, oil lamp, oil lamps, genie, genies, wish, wishes, three wishes, conditional, condition, conditions, proviso, provisos, quid pro quo, quid pro quos, behavior, behaviour
'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'
"Yes, I guess I'm in the mood, but certain restrictions apply."
OK, we do the annual report as a graphic novel, but only if I don't have to read it.'