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"I feel an intense pride, Robert, that I live in a country rich enough to have war and peace at the same time."
"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."
"Of course, we can do spare and minimalist, but not on your budget."
"I'll have whatever is hot, fast, and artisanal."
"Hi! My name is Rick - I'll be your executioner today!"
"Oh, that sounds awful. I can only imagine how you must be feeling."
An election candidate giving contradicting promises.
'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'
'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'
"Lately, I've been feeling...well...pretty damn good!"
"Ok, now, let's get one of you demanding your privacy."
'Rodney, I don't know what to make of you. You're bored by excitement, and excited by boredom.'
"The customer is always wrong."
How Fashion Works - 'You obviously haven't heard - the adults are wearing them narrow now,'
Legal False Advertising.
"I've eaten something that's disagreed with me, doctor."
"Research now shows that the food we claimed was good for you is now actually bad for you. Food we claimed was bad for you is now good for you. If you're confused, join the club."