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Guidance Counsellor: 'Today I was visited by nine students and two teachers.'
Apathy support group - no one turns up.
'This is the third session you've missed. We need to look at that.'
'Weekly therapy should keep your insecurities in check...or you could buy a hummer.'
'Red capes no longer bother me, due to my anger counselling.'
'What's the point? Why are we here? Where are we going? 2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?'
'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'
'They completely exploded during the session, so either of them should be eager to hire you. Remember, I get 10 percent!'
'If you two are going to insist on wearing these shirts during each session, I'm afraid I can no longer be your counselor.'
Tags:counselor, counselors, councillor, councillos, counselling, counselled, im with stupid, argue, argues, argument, arguments, marriage, marriages, husband, husbands, wife, wives, disagree, disagrees, disagreement, disagreements, insult, insults, insulting, insulted, resign, resigns, close to home
'...I just have a general mistrust of people.'
'Counsellor Westcott!! For the last time! Stop Badgering the witness!'
'Right. Making money in the stock market isn't everything... that leaves bonds.'
'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'
'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'
Dog Psychiatrist: 'So how long have you had this unhealthy aversion to drinking from the toilet?'
'I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you and yes, I'll be happy to see you sometime. Bring your wife along. I'm a marriage counselor.'
'Don't think of it as a divorce. Think of it as being recycled.'
'He's a man.. that's your problem.'
'My market doesn't understand me.'
'I'm Jewish, but I can never remember how many apostrophes in 'B'nai B'rith'.'
'Do you think Brad Pitt is happy?'
'Everybody loves Raymond, but what about ME?'
'I sleep in my talk...'