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"Just once I'd like to be attractive not for my pulsating light, but for my personality."
"Your boyfriend can't even come to the door? Jeez..."
'He's all chirp and no peck.'
'You're too old school - I'm looking for a mate online.'
Evolution of Marriage
"Hmmm, yes, nice meeting you, but I can see that your online photo has been heavily edited..."
"Everyone wants to bonk her!"
"OK, so you've won the mating fight, but will you please allow me visiting rights to see my kids?"
"You big softy! How did you know I'm tired of being fought over?"
"Mating fights! Well, consider yourself lucky! Just imagine how embarrassing it is when we have to perform mating dances..."
How to avoid a mating fight
The male species
Puffin applying makeup to its beak (to attract a mate).
'The invitation says casual but of course you don't do casual do you.'
"Yeah, the colourful display works OK I guess, but I play it cool and enigmatic, and believe me, it works..."
'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'
"It's getting harder and harder to get the hens to even look at our displays: They're all too busy staring at their electronic gadgets..."
"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"
"Forget about flowers, trust me, bring her honey: It's a sure way to one's heart..."
"Now, that's rather embarrassing..."
'Bees use dance as a form of communication.'
'Wow! Now that's what I call a courtship display!'
'Gordon likes to base our courtship on that of the Guatamalan swamp owl...'
'Not bad for a starling, huh?'
"Don't look now, Barbara, but I think you're being hit on!"