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"Who am I to question our government's policies? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Bernard A. Nesbitt, who reads the 'Times,' the 'Wall Street Journal,' the 'Post,' 'Newsweek,' 'Time,' 'Business Week,' 'U.S.News & World Report,' 'Look,' 'Life,' and 'Saturday Evening Post.' That's who I am!"
Tags:current events, current event, news report, news reports, news story, news stories, government policy, government policies, informed, news show, news shows, informed reader, news program, news programs, political events, political event, headline, headlines, magazine, magazines, cocktail party, cocktail parties, small talk, critic, critics, critical, cynic, cynics, political opposition, political opponent, political opponents, political view, political views, informed voter, informed voters, qualification, qualifications, opinion, opinions, opinionated, unqualified, armchair expert, armchair experts, expert, experts, expertise
"Then we carefully disguise the bribes as legal fees by changing the word 'bribes' to 'legal fees.'"
Tags:legal, legal fees, bribe, bribes, cooking the books, cook the books, bribery, politician, politicians, politically, scandal, scandals, current event, current events, news, news cycle, news cycles, fee, fees, hidden, hidden money, white collar crime, white collar crimes, bribing, lawyer, lawyers, judge, judges, judiciary, judicial
"And now may I bite your neck?"
Tags:college, colleges, current events, current event, consent, consenting, consents, consensual, consensually, safe, safety, dracula, vamp, vampire, vampires, count dracula, dating, date, dates, law, laws, rule, rules, legislation, myth, mythological creatures, seek consent, seeking consent, protect, protective, protection, protective measures, extensive, extensively, asking, ask, asks, communicate, communication, communicated, communicating, bite, biting, bites, fang, fangs
Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.
Tags:reporter, reporters, beat reporter, beat reporters, local reporter, local news, up-to-the-minute, current event, current events, news, local newscast, local newscasts, newscaster, newscasters, coverage, coverage area, coverage areas, mundane, mundane event, mundane events, breathless, breathlessness, play-by-play, commentary, commentaries, commentator, commentators
'Newspaper? Cable News? Actually, I keep abreast of current events by watching late-night tv comics!'
"If you use up all your worry today what will you have tomorrow?"
"I did it!!! I found the bit of good news in the newspaper!!!!"
Keeping up with the Times...The Violent Torpedo of News.
"The state of the world has pushed Henry wayyyy beyond his fear of gluten."
'If you feel disturbed by this report call this number now.'
"That's right! It's time for the news! Now man-up and face the gruesome details!"
Tags:news report, news reports, news program, news programs, news show, news shows, global news, world news, current event, current events, bad news, headline, headlines, news reporter, news reporters, news anchor, news anchors, social problem, social problems, war, wars, terror, terrorism, murder, murders, homicide, homicides, newsmen, newsman, man-up, manning up
'...And now, some bad news even for those of you who have come to EXPECT bad news....'
'How can you possible say the world has passed you by?'
'I know we're a long way from anywhere, but I still like to know what's going on in the World...'
'I don't know why I bother to keep up with the news. . . it'll all be the same in a hundred years. . . If I live that long I will save myself a fortune!'
'Tonight's news is so bad, we're just going to do half an hour of happy talk instead....'
I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.
'How come when some cute little blonde does it, it's news, but when I do it, it's GOSSIP?'
'Hold the front page, Brother Cuthbert!'
'So Michael Jackson, Sarah Palin, a bunch of crap and that's it for tonight's news.'