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Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'
'Your Dad's a jerk.'
'I'm still looking for love.'
'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'
'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'
'John this is where you should declare your undying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'
'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'
Customer: 'I've got a complaint. This laptop doesn't fit my lap!'
"The cheese balls—can I get that as an entrée?"
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, dining out, eating out, meal, meals, food, eating, dining, waiter, waiters, server, servers, service, customer service, order, orders, ordering, menu, menus, customer, customers, patron, patrons, request, requests, cheese balls, entree, appetizer, appetiser, animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, mouse, mice, rat, rats, anthropomorphic, anthropomorphism, personification
Tags:animal, animals, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, egg, eggs, which came first, first, riddle, riddles, cliche, cliches, science, biology, dilemma, dilemmas, causality, paradox, paradoxes, poultry, problem, problems, next, line, lines, lineup, lineups, lining up, queue, queues, queuing, next in line, cashier, cashiers, shopping, shopper, shoppers, customer, customers, competition, competitions, rivalry, rivalries, competing
'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'
Tags:cars, car, vehicle, vehicles, tires, tire, tyre, tyres, repairs, repairfix, fixed, mechanic, mechanics, flat tire, flat tires, flat tyre, flat tyres, flats, auto mechanic, auto mechanics, flat tires fixed, flat tyres fixed, spare tire, spare tires, spare tyre, spare tyres, business, businesses, customers, customer service, customer experience, genius bar, quality, product quality, sales, customer
"While your salesman checks with the manager, could I interest you in a dental exam?"
Tags:car, cars, vehicle, vehicles, automobile, automobiles, dealership, dealerships, car lot, car lots, buying a car, salesmen, salesman, manger, managers, customer, customers, waiting, wait, long wait, long waits, dentist, dentists, dental, dental work, exam, exams, examination, examinations, medical, medicine, service, customer service
"Could I have the fires al dente?"
Tags:fastfood, fastfood chain, fastfood chains, fastfood restaurant, fast food restaurants, pretentious, pretension, pretentiousness, al dente, pasta, millennial, millennials, spoilt kid, spoilt kids, catering, service industry, catering industry, burger, burgers, fries, customer, customers, stupid customer, stupid customers, bad customer, bad customers
"Although you've yet to try your water or even order an entree, how is everything?"
Basic flavors that, c'mon, you do not need to 'taste'.
Tags:ice cream, ice cream parlour, ice cream parlours, flavour, flavours, flavor, flavors, ice cream flavour, ice cream flavours, ice cream flavor, ice cream flavors, sign, signs, funny sign, funny signs, taste, tasting, taster, begrudging, begrudge, customer, customers, annoying customer, annoying customers, customer service
'When I said that Sales is all about the Art of Persuasion I didn't expect you to start shouting at customers, ‘Buy it or my family will be out on the street!''
"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, patron, patrons, customer, customers, weird, strange, unusual, creepy, doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, dating, dates, date, bad date, bad dates, ear, ears, otoscope, otoscopes, auriscope, auriscopes, medical device, medical devices, medical tool, medical tools, exam, exams, examination, examination, inappropriate, bad doctor, bad doctors, drink, drinks, drinking, alcohol, alcoholic, liquor, booze, drunk, drunks, drunk doctor, drunk doctors
Tags:returns, return, returning, refund, refunds, refunding, refunded, shopper, shoppers, shopping, consumerism, consumer, consumers, consumerist, consumerists, remorse, remorseful, regret, regretting, regretful, mall, malls, shopping mall, shopping malls, shopping center, shopping centers, shopping centre, shopping centres, customer, customers, return service, return service, buyer, buyers, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes
"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"
Tags:department store, department stores, fragrance, fragrances, perfume, perfumes, cologne, colognes, smell, smells, aroma, aromas, scent, scents, food, jewish, jewish cuisine, jewish delicacies, cheese blintz, cheese blintzes, frying, fried, attraction, attractive, customer request, customer requests, customer, customers, attracting men, dating, shpasik, jtoons
'I don't care if you only need the eye. You'll have to buy the whole newt!'
The Big Tipper
Tags:space, outer space, science, star, stars, constellation, constellations, big dipper, astronomy, astronomer, astronomers, astrology, astrologer, astrologers, service, customer service, service industry, restaurant, restaurants, bar, bars, tip, tips, tipping, tipping culture, tipper, tippers, big tipper, big tippers, customer, customers, money, word play, wordplay
"Thanks, Chuck, I admire your NASCARness also."
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, drink, drinks, drinking, alcohol, alcoholic, booze, liquor, patron, patrons, customer, customers, hillbilly, hillbillies, redneck, rednecks, white trash, white trash, trashy, crass, crude, unsophisticated, class, classes, united states, us, u.s., united states of america, usa, u.s.a., racing, car racing, stock car racing, auto racing, racing fan, racing fans, fan, fans, auto racing fan, auto racing fans, car racing fan, car racing fans, stereotype, stereotypes