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'Could I just get a large coffee without the 'coffee experience'?'
How Is Your Pain Today?
"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."
"I want to make your time here a pleasant experience so that you leave today with a big smile on your face. . .April Fool!"
To get customer service please scream loudly 'Dear God is there no one there, what do I have to do to get serviced...I'm going to take my money somewhere else...'
"Who gets the linguini with my thumb in it?"
The Golden Rule applies to both sides of the counter/desk.
Don't be afraid of criticism. Openly ask for feedback so you can improve service.
"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"
"How's the perch?"
'It's a flight simulator for passengers.'
Good Customer Service
"Thank you for shopping and we hope you've had a great brand experience."
"Would you be willing to participate in a brief survey following this transaction concerning customer satisfaction?"
"Based on today's experience, how likely is it that you would recommend your arresting officer to friends and fellow villains?"
Difficult to Reach Customer Service
"You think that I'm just here to keep the chair warm? Sir, nothing could be further from the truth!"
"This the nastiest email that I ever read. I want to use it as our new template."
"As you can see, we have top marks for our caring attitude. So, stop moaning and sit down!"
"Someone's gone to look for a price - they won't be long!"
"Your call is very important to us . . . Please wait until hell freezes over."
"Please hold; we're sorry for the delay. All agents are busy ignoring other customers."
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.