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"I demand to speak with the manager!"
Janice tried to stay calm even though she knew the customer was always right.
". . . The chef looks like he could spit on my food."
'My bread is broke. Can I get a refund?'
'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'
'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'
'Your echo is important to us. Please stand by. Your echo will be returned in the order in which it was received.'
"Press 43 to obtain closure from this call. Begin cursing when you hear the beep."
"Would you be willing to participate in a brief survey following this transaction concerning customer satisfaction?"
'Sorry there's no food. I was kind of hoping you'd bring some.'
"...And as for your terrible elevator music...."
All You Can Complain, $4.95
'I'm looking for my way.'
'Thank you, sir! Hope to see you again soon!'
"Yes, it is strange how I have no problem hearing the big tipper on table five calling me, isn't it?"
'Are they finished? Right, wait until I report this to trading standards!'
'Fill out this Customer Satisfaction Survey and you may win two weekends in Tarpits Light!'
"Your egg is bad? Don't blame me, I only laid the table!"
'Well you tried, but be sure to keep Proof of Purchase.'
'Here, we refer to them as the satisfactorily challenged.'
'Our improved customer satisfaction is offset by lower government satisfaction.'
'You want the basket with the discarded shopping list, the torn plastic bag or the old manky leaf?'
'It says,'If you are not 100% satisfied with this lure, may God grant you the wisdom to accept the things you cannot change.''
"Try our product for 30 days! If not completely satisfied, try it rectally!"
Great customer care is not optional.