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Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'
'I'm still looking for love.'
'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'
'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'
'John this is where you should declare your undying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'
"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."
'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'
"Book me, seat me, treat me bad."
Tags:airplane, airplanes, aeroplane, aeroplanes, plane, planes, flight, flights, passenger, passengers, customer service, customer services, customer satisfaction, airport, airports, air travel, customer experience, customer experiences, booking, bookings, unhappy customers, dissatisfied customer, dissatisfied customers
'I don't care if you only need the eye. You'll have to buy the whole newt!'
'No. There's no one who works here by that name. Let me connect you to our branch office.'
'Could I just get a large coffee without the 'coffee experience'?'
'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'
'I'll be back to address your needs as soon as the Government's White paper has identified what they are!'
"Hi, welcome to the Uncanny Valley of Pancakes."
'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'
'Unfortunately, it's fighting an uphill battle against our first name, which is 'Apathy.''
'Yarrr... I'll be needin' some tech support for me iPatch.'
"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."
Tags:training recording, training recordings, training tape, training tapes, call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, helpline, helplines, help-line, help-lines, help line, help lines, customer service, customer services, customer satisfaction, customer experience, training purpose, training purposes, customer experience, customer experiences
How was your confusion experience?
Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).
Windows are just for show.
'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'
"I don't get paid enough to speak up."
'Cut down your own tree $40' or 'Blast out your own tree $50'
Tags:tree, trees, cut, cutting, cutter, cutters, cuts, lumberjack, lumberjacks, blow up, blowing up, blows up, explode, exploding, exploded, explodes, blast, blasted, sell, seller, sellers, selling, sold, clever, unique, customer service, customer services, sale, sales, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys