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"You serve an inferior wine, Ted, but you have a nice view of Peconic Bay."
"Oh, great—here comes my ex, try not to act so bald..."
"Well, to me, it sounds like a classic case of 'Tall Poppy Syndrome'..."
"What are you going in there for?... Can't you just soak them in a glass of bleach?"
"Totally! You both have the exact same features! Only on you, they don't look so good."
"This is your great aunt Adriana. She sent 'thank you' notes to people for no reason."