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"Remember, measure twice, cut once, stand baffled, string together obscenities."
"That could've been ours. But noooo...You and your DIY."
"For the record. This is usually the exact moment during one of your projects when things go horribly wrong."
"You mounted the mirror upside down, Harold!"
"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."
"A door can never have too many hinges."
Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen
"Thank goodness you're here! My husband is trying to fix it himself!"
"Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe."
'I'm going to show that wonky light switch who's boss.'
"I've spent 6 hours trying to put this wine rack together. Maybe Ikea is Swedish for 'some part missing.'"
Kit-set shelving. Third attempt.
"Can you hold off on the showers, I'm hopeless at this stuff."