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Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, patron, patrons, customer, customers, drink, drinks, drinking, drinking alcohol, alcohol, alcoholic, liquor, booze, cocktail, cocktails, frank, franks, hot dog, hot dogs, wurst, sausage, sausages, frankfurter, frankfurters, wiener, wieners, relish, pun, puns, wordplay, word play, dad joke, dad jokes
"Morton's on the cutting edge of pooped."
"There is a monster, but it's dead."
Tags:bed, bedroom, sleep, asleep, sleeping, unable to sleep, nightmare, nightmares, monster, monsters, monster under the bed, monsters under the bed, scare, scared, frighten, frightened, dead, death, dream, dreaming, reality, real, unreal, torch, torches, phobia, phobias, dark, darkness, lie, lies, lying, dad, dad jokes, dad joke, teraphobia, reassure, reassurance, calm, calm down, calming down
"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."
Tags:cash, cash pile, cash piles, payment, payments, babysitter, babysitters, babysitting, parent, parents, parenting, pretend, pretends, pretending, drug dealer, drug dealers, drug dealing, dealers, dealing, drug, illegal drugs, excited, exciting, thrill, thrilled, thrilling, innocent, innocence, lie, lies, lying, liar, secret, secrets, deception, deceptive, dad joke, dad jokes
"Welcome to an evening of doo-wop! Just kidding, folks. Now for the Berlioz."
"When the battery run down you get out and pet it."
Tags:toy, toys, car, cars, toy car, toy cars, parent, parents, dad, dads, instruct, instructing, demonstrate, demonstrating, inform, informing, child, children, pet, pets, petting, break, breaks, break down, battery, dead battery, sarcastic, sarcasm, dad joke, dad jokes, confuse, confused, confusion, static electricity, renewable energy, green car, green cars, sustainable, sustainability, static charge, static shock
"Someday, Son, this remote will be yours."
"His drink, the nut bowl and his bank account are all empty."
The Christmas Cleanup
Tags:dad joke, dad jokes, leaf blower, leaf blowers, leaf blowing, christmas, holiday, holidays, clean, cleaning, cleanup, present, presents, gift, gifts, wrapping paper, father, fathers, dad, dads, fatherhood, fathering, son, sons, kid, kids, child, children, childhood, family, families, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, daughter, daughters
"Ugh, stop it, Dad- everyone knows you're not making this happen!"
Tags:parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, dad, dads, father, fathers, dad joke, dad jokes, bad joke, bad k jokes, embarrass, embarrassing, embarrassment, embarrassments, wizard, wizards, space shuttle, space shuttles, take off, take-off, space exploration, technology, modern technology, modern technologies, rocket, rockets, space rocket, space rockets
"They may be your grades, but they're the return on my investment."
Tags:dad, dads, father, fathers, fatherhood, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, dad joke, dad jokes, grades, grade, marks, marks, exam result, exam results, return on investment, investment, narcissistic dad, narcissistic dads, narcissistic father, narcissistic fathers, narcissistic parent, narcissistic parents, taking the credit, take the credit, reflected glory, child, children, son, sons, father son relationship, school grades
"Will I lose my hare?"
Tags:medical, hair, hare, pun, puns, hare, hares, bunny, bunnies, rabbit, rabbits, balding, hair loss, doctor, doctors, md, mds, m.d.s, m.d., gp, gps, g.p.s, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctors clinics, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, men, man, dad joke, dad jokes
My Father's Favorite Yiddish Joke
"And then Winnie the Pooh decided that it was time to check Daddy's e-mail again."
Tags:story, stories, bedtime, father, fathers, son, sons, dad, dads, fatherhood, parent, parents, parenthood, parenting, kid, kids, child, children, email, multitasking, tablet, computer tablet, excuse, excuses, workaholic, making things up, changing the story, father's day, reading, bedtime story, bedtime stories, dad joke, dad jokes
Tags:bear, bears, dad, dads, father, fathers, scold, scolds, scolding, discipline, disciplines, disciplinarian, disciplinarians, dad joke, dad jokes, soundalike, soundalikes, sounds like, dead, safety tip, safety tips, play dead, plays dead, playing dead, play possum, playing possum, plays possum, pretend, pretends, pretending, pretender, pretenders
Ed's Salary Cap
Tags:salary, salaries, salary cap, salary caps, pay, income, money, finances, personal finances, fashion, cap, caps, hat, hats, baseball cap, baseball caps, baseball hat, baseball hats, per annum, annual salary, rich, wealthy, bragging, brag, boast, boasting, wordplay, word play, pun, puns, dad joke, dad jokes
"Put the punster in with the mime."
"As a phone, it's lousy, but I bet they're great deep-fried."
"I've fallen and I can't get up."
"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"
"Just a warning, kids. Uncle Paul's been stockpiling puns and he's not afraid to use them."
Tags:pun, puns, humor, humour, joke, jokes, joker, jokers, dad joke, dad jokes, bad pun, bad puns, bad joke, bad jokes, warn, warns, warning, caution, cautions, cautioning, family visit, family visits, relative, relatives, uncle, uncles, family get-together, family get-togethers, thanksgiving, christmas, extended family, extended families
'Why was there a mattress in that ditch?'
"So that's two votes for save and one for delete."
Tags:family photo, family photos, dad joke, dad jokes, voting, good photo, bad photo, bad photos, good photos, father, fathers, dad, dads, fatherhood, fathering, kid, kids, child, children, childhood, family, families, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, daughter, daughters, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, mothering, picture, pictures, camera, cameras, phone, phones, smartphone, smartphones
"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."
'Your father says he'll stop wearing his pants like that when you do.'