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"No offense, but your mother couldn't fry bacon, could't make toast, and could't heat up last week's beans, and her famous raisin pie would make a buzzard tremble."
"For heaven's sake, Melissa, she's my mother. I can't tell her to leave."
"My wife has decided to divorce my mother!"
"We're spending August with his parents in Hell."
'Wow, I just told your mother I welcomed her criticism.'
'I've been meaning to have a word with you Kevin about your Mother coming to stay with us.'
"It's your mother!"
'It's so nice to finally meet you. we can play 'good mother-in-law - bad mother-in-law'.'
'Howard, it's your mother. I think she wants to move in with us.'
'We just couldn't live with ourselves if we put mother in a home...'
'We've been invited to a black tie do - your mother has died, dear.'
'We do have cards to mothers in law, but not with that particular message inside...'
'Did you notice your dad flirting with me all evening?'
"Sorry, mum, we never take the chain off after nine."
Daughter In Law