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'He's been frozen, and left everything to himself.'
Funeral home - You can run, but you can't formaldehyde.
'This is no time for 'knock knock' jokes!'
"Your Tio Eddie was quite the crooner! He'd be the greatest singer alive today. If he was alive...and could sing."
"Well, if you hear noises, pretend it's the ghost of your great-great-abuelita Salma roaming the house to keep watch over us."
'My dead mother's been trying to contact one of those TV psychics...She's so gullible!'
The unknown nagged male.
'This is the third time your grandmother has died this year. Tell me, have you tried putting a stake through her heart and cutting her head off?'
'And finally. To my Nephew, Sid, who never laughed at my jokes, har de har har!'
'You can't claim on this. The hospital just phoned...he's still breathing.'
"I've decided...there's no way I can throw a party while I house-sit for my Tia Zulema. I just know she'll find out about it."
"We can learn a lot from cemeteries. In many ways, headstones are excellent records of human society."
"C'mon, kids...we're going to visit Tia Marisela. It's her birthday. Just remind me not to be rude. She loves to talk, talk, talk and I'm always interrupting. I should, you know, show her more respect."
"Baldo, thank you for house-sitting while I'm away. One thing...I have photos of my abuelos in the hallway. Please keep them entertained. They get lonely when I'm away."
"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."
"Thank you for coming with me. This is a sacred family tradition."
Tia Marisela sure has a big tombstone. I didn't know she was so important."