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"How come people die in alphabetical order...?"
'He's had a short but interesting life - for instance, did you know he was once responsible for a tornado in Texas...?'
"And this entire section is the obit of a very thorough genealogist."
"What makes you think I'm too self-absorbed?"
"Yes, I do read the obituaries - well, none of us want to be first, do we?"
'They got my name and age wrong!'
"At least we've got plenty of time to catch up with the obituaries!"
Bad luck Brian! R.I.P.
"It's sad to see that my old pal from the solar system is no longer with us..."
"Donald always turns to the obituaries first then, if he's not listed, he reads the rest of the paper."
"I just don't think it's healthy for you to read the obituaries each day to see if you're listed!"