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'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'
'I wish I had learned more trivia.'
'No seriously. His final words actually were, 'If I only had spent more time at the office.''
"I know the doctor said this is only a bad cold, but in case he's mistaken I'd like to hear side eight of 'Der Rosenkavalier' one last time."
A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.
"Hey, Gramps, is 'deathbed' one word or two?"
Tags:grandpa, grandpas, grandfather, grandfathers, deathbed, deathbeds, insensitive, death bed, death beds, spell check, spellcheck, dying, die, dies, dead, hospital, hospitals, teen, teens, teenager, thoughtless, thoughtlessness, carefree, rude, rudeness, tasteless, uncouth, question, questions, cancer, cancers
"It's a standard deathbed confession, Jimmy. Please don't make us drag out the rubber hoses."
Tags:deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, confess, confesses, confessing, confession, confessions, interrogate, interrogate, interrogating, interrogation, interrogations, homicide, homicides, homicide police, police, policemen, cop, cops, enhanced interrogation, criminal, criminals, tortures, abuse, abuses, abusing, abuser, abusers
"I hate how you look in that brown suit, but, hey… it's your funeral."
"I always lived vicariously. Why can't I die vicariously?"
Tags:living vicariously, lived vicariously, vicarious living, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, surrogate, surrogates, surrogacy, deaths, dying, died, die, dies, life choice, life choices, fear of death, thanatophobia, phobia, phobias, avoidance technique, avoidance techniques, avoidance tactic, avoidance tactics
"Milt, I'm beginning to think that you illness is a disharmony of life energy."
'Cheer up Mom...They say dead is the new 80.'
"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."
Tags:death, dying, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, bed ridden, bed, beds, old age, old man, old men, elderly, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, man, men, gun, guns, firearm, firearms, rifle, rifles, hunt, hunting, hunter, hunters, gun owner, gun owners, shoot, shooting, violent, violence, gun violence, last wish, last wishes
'My parents died. Their parents died. Their parents died...it runs in the family.'
"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."
Tags:mutual fund, mutual funds, keepsake, keepsakes, memento, mementos, tchotchke, tchotchkes, sick, sickness, ill, illness, greed, greedy, greediness, stock, stocks, stockholder, stockholders, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, deathbed, deathbeds, remember, remembers, memory, memories, offspring, selfish, selfishness, memorial, memorials, in memorium, reminder, reminders, money motivated, greed motivated
"We're letting him think there's a big media deathwatch."
Tags:deathwatch, deathwatches, ego, ego-stroking, ego stroker, ego strokers, big up, big ups, bigging up, self-esteem, self-esteem boost, self-esteem booster, self-esteem boosters, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, terminal, terminal condition, terminal conditions, sense of importance, importance, inflated, self-worth, egotist, egotists, egotistical, white lie, white lies, lie, liars, liar, good friend, good friends, public figure, public figures, minor celebrity, minor celebrities, status, social status, die, dies, dying
'Sure, as a young man I had dreams: fame, adventure...paying off my student loans.'
"I'll never forget my father, near death, saying 'get me a pen... I'm going to change my will.' But it was Sunday, and all the stationery stores were closed."
"Just two confessions. I sometimes harbored admiration for Richard Nixon, and I never found the Marx Brothers funny."
Tags:deathbed, deathbeds, deathbed confession, deathbed confessions, last confession, last confessions, catholic, catholics, priest, priests, confession, confessions, confess, confessed, wierd confession, weird confession, admire, admired, admiration, unpopular opinions, unpopular opinion, deepest darkest secret, deepest darkest secrets
"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"
Tags:novel, novels, novelist, novelists, writer, writers, author, authors, ego, egos, deathbed, deathbeds, will, wills, last will and testimony, death bed, death beds, doctor, doctors, last request, last requests, unpublished works, death-bed, death-beds, egotist, egotists, big headed, big head, big-head, big-heads, big heads, big-headed, egotist, egotists, ego, egos, egotistical, unfinished work, unfinished works
"I don't like his color."
"Any chance I could pop back in and put on a clean shirt?"
"You have turned out well, my sons. I can go in peace."
"He won the right to die without dignity."
'Go to the light, Dasher, go to the light!'
"I want to be cremated and have my ashes sprinkled on the Republican Party."
Tags:republican, republicans, republican party, republican party member, republican party members, gop, grand old party, loyal, loyalist, the base, lifelong member, lifelong members, revenge, get revenge, getting revenge, vengeance, deface, defaces, defacing, conservative, conservatives, conservatism, cremated, last wish, last wishes, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, last rites, vow, vows, final vow, final vows