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"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."
Uncle Sam, Lady Liberty and Lady Justice walk into a bar that is advertising a "Pursuit of Happiness Hour" in its front window.
'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'
'That does it! I've had it with that nincompoop! Every time there's a birthday, he's the first to sign the card and he never leaves room for anyone else!'
"Founding Fathers! How come no Founding Mothers?"
"Are you sure everyone will know we're being ironic?"
'Don't forget the right to get up on furniture.'
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. . . plus Health Care.
"Let's just take one pass at it all in caps, see how it feels."
John Hancock practices his signature
'Why would we need campaign finance legislation? I can't imagine public servants being so unpatriotic as to be influenced by money.'
"O.K., the third of July is out. How about the fourth?"
'I'd steer clear of them on the forth of July!'
Declaration of Independence - 'Can I borrow a pen?'
"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, which may involve an occasional hot=dog-eating contest."
Catalonia declares independence.
'Who can tell me where the declaration of Independence was signed?'
God extends hand to Uncle Sam who is holding the Declaration of Independence
"Anything else to declare, gentlemen?"
'Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?'
"So far we'v got the right to party. Okay, other ideas..."
"Does anyone read script?"