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"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"
"My client pleads not guilty on the grounds that Saturn was transiting his natal Pluto at the time of the incident."
'No, insanely funny is not a plea!'
"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."
"I take it the defense rests."
"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."
'Sure, I've had a few run-ins with the law. But it wasn't all my fault. As a child I was once left … unsupervised.'
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, don't let my parents think they wasted money sending me to law school!"
''I blame my parents, Judge! They raised me to believe I was above the law!"
"Hey, punishing ME won't bring him back!"
'So you're saying you only broke the law as part of detailed research into the workings of the legal system?'
'M'lud, I was only obeying orders.'
"But Your Honor, I'm NOT an accomplice. I'm simply a codependent enabler, enmeshed in a larceny-based dysfunctional relationship!"
"I believe in trial and error. I believe my client being brought to trial is as error."