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"Maybe the compassionate part will kick in during the second half of the Administration."
"I've tried rebooting it several times, but the news is still terrible."
'Stock prices are down; Bond prices are down; North Korea are threatening nuclear war...have a nice night's sleep.'
"We're all in the same boat. We'll get through this."
'Before you say anything...'
'What's he laughing at? Doesn't he listen to the news?'
'It's not just the news that's depressing. It's all the mood medication commercials between.'
'Sure the financial news depresses me. IT proves we're just small-time crooks.'
'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'
'The news on tv is SO depressing, I've decided to stop watching it.' 'Is that permitted?!'
'So Michael Jackson, Sarah Palin, a bunch of crap and that's it for tonight's news.'
'...And, finally, we have a bit of 'good news'....'I'm sorry, we've lost that portion of our program.'
'The doctor gave me an anti-depressant prescription.'
'And now for the lighter side of the news...36 people were killed today...'