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'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'
'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'
'OK, Mrs. Dunn. We'll slide you in there, scan your brain, and see if we can find out why you've been having these spells of claustrophobia.'
'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'
'The test results are in. The tightness in your chest and numbness in your extremities are caused by the biking outfit you're wearing.'
"I know the doctor said this is only a bad cold, but in case he's mistaken I'd like to hear side eight of 'Der Rosenkavalier' one last time."
"Your skin is enlarged."
"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors appointment, diagnosis, diagnoses, appointments, appointment, symptom, symptoms, internet, internet search, searching, searches, ill, illness, illnesses, unprofessional, clueless, unsure, web search, web searches, internet searches, search engine, search engines, technological advance, technological advances, diagnosing, bedside manner, incompetent, incompetence, patient-doctor relationship, medical malpractice, concern, concerned, concerns
"You're as sound as a euro."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors office, doctors offices, patient, patients, medical result, medical results, diagnoses, diagnosis, sound as a pound, saying, sayings idiom, idioms, euro, euros, currency, euro rate, exchange rate, exchange rates, weak currency, weak currencies, unstable currency, unstable currencies
"Good news—those lumps were just coal."
Tags:winter, wintertime, snow, snowman, snowmen, weather, season, seasons, seasonal, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, lump, lumps, result, results, diagnosis, diagnoses, coal, charcoal, good news, healthy
"I'm afraid that novel in you will have to come out."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumors, removal, come out, remove, writer, writers, author, authors, book, books, novel, novels, literature, writer's block, word play, wordplay
Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.
"You have Floral-Pattern baldness."
"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."
Tags:egypt, egyptian, egyptians, mummy, mummies, pharaoh, pharaohs, outbreak, outbreaks, west nile, west nile virus, virus, viruses, disease, diseases, pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, flu, influenza, cold, colds, common cold, common colds, telltale sign, telltale signs, sign, signs, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnose, mosquito, mosquitoes, mosquito bite, mosquito bites, doctor, doctors
"The exhaustive analysis of our nation's predicament has arrived."
Tags:predicament, predicaments, analysis, analyses, party, parties, cocktail party, cocktail parties, wealthy elite, wealthy elites, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, know-it-all, know-it-alls, bore, bores, social pariah, social pariahs, state of the world, opinion, opinions, opinionated, uninformed, strong opinion, strong opinions, outcast, outcasts, social outcast, social outcasts
"We may already be too late, Mr. Parker."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, wasting away, dying, diagnosis, diagnoses, too late, health, unhealthy, sick, sickness, ill, illness, health, health care, healthcare, health insurance, universal healthcare, universal health care, socialised medicine, socialized medicine, medicare, medicaid, waiting
'...You've got no game.'
Tags:blood test, blood tests, doctor, doctors, surgery, surgeries, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosis, conclusion, conclusions, conclude, concludes, biopsy, biopsies, test, tests, testing, examine, examines, examined, no game, useless, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
For some patients, Dr. Edwards would play 'Diagnosis Charades'.
"If we don't find anything wrong on these we'll take some more."
"It's the mark of Cain, but it's benign."
Tags:cain, mark of cain, curse, cursed, god, jehovah, genesis, book of genesis, bible story, bible stories, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, benign, malignant, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, oncology, oncologist, oncologists, prognosis, prognoses, old testament, torah, garden of eden
"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."
'You need more calcium.'
"It's either conjunctivitis or twin pools of desire."
Tags:conjunctivitis, pink eye, diagnosis, diagnoses, eye, eyes, eye doctor, eye doctors, optician, opticians, optometrist, optometrists, optometry, ophthalmologist, ophthalmologists, ophthalmology, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, infection, infections, poet, poets, poetry, pretty eyes, beautiful eyes, attractive, attraction, attractions, twin pools, desire, desires
"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"
Tags:diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, problem, problems, bite, bites, biting, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, ailment, ailments, ill, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, problem, problems, health problem, health problems, monkey on your back, monkeys on your back, anxiety, anxieties, anxious, anxiousness, worry, worries, worrying, stress, stress management
"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointment, medical exam, medical exams, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, denial, nonacceptance, diagnosis, diagnoses, bad news, unfavourable diagnosis, unfavorable diagnosis, nuance, straight, give it to me, give it to me straight, tell me straight