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'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'
'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'
'OK, Mrs. Dunn. We'll slide you in there, scan your brain, and see if we can find out why you've been having these spells of claustrophobia.'
"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."
Tags:cantankerous, doctor, doctors, old age, grow old, growing old, crotchety, old man, old men, grump, grumps, grumpy, grumpiness, surly, temper, tantrum, tantrums, pain in the butt, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, appointment, appointments, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, old age pensioner, pensioner, pensioners
"I'm afraid you're retaining lawyers."
My Bookshelf Before the Internet
Tags:search, searches, searching, internet search, internet searches, fact, facts, factoid, factoids, book, books, bookshelf, bookshelves, paranoid, paranoia, common search, common searches, grammar, grammar mistake, grammar mistakes, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, social media, tip, tips, life hack, life hacks, analog, digital, analogue, digital world, modern life, modern lives, modern time, modern times, ex, exes, stalk, stalks, stalking, directions, asking directions, gps, millennial, millennials, gen x, generation x
"I'm afraid that novel in you will have to come out."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumors, removal, come out, remove, writer, writers, author, authors, book, books, novel, novels, literature, writer's block, word play, wordplay
"The exhaustive analysis of our nation's predicament has arrived."
Tags:predicament, predicaments, analysis, analyses, party, parties, cocktail party, cocktail parties, wealthy elite, wealthy elites, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, know-it-all, know-it-alls, bore, bores, social pariah, social pariahs, state of the world, opinion, opinions, opinionated, uninformed, strong opinion, strong opinions, outcast, outcasts, social outcast, social outcasts
"I'm going to ask you a series of scary questions. When I'm done, let's see if you can guess why I'm asking them."
"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."
"It's the mark of Cain, but it's benign."
Tags:cain, mark of cain, curse, cursed, god, jehovah, genesis, book of genesis, bible story, bible stories, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, benign, malignant, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, oncology, oncologist, oncologists, prognosis, prognoses, old testament, torah, garden of eden
"If we don't find anything wrong on these we'll take some more."
"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"
Tags:diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, problem, problems, bite, bites, biting, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, ailment, ailments, ill, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, problem, problems, health problem, health problems, monkey on your back, monkeys on your back, anxiety, anxieties, anxious, anxiousness, worry, worries, worrying, stress, stress management
"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."
Tags:crossword, crosswords, crossword puzzle, crossword puzzles, puzzle, puzzles, game, games, gaming, addiction, addictions, addicted, addicting, addictive, illness, illnesses, outbreak, outbreaks, diagnose, diagnosing, diagnosis, gamer, gamers, sunday crossword, sunday crosswords, hobby, hobbyist, hobbyists, interest, interests
To make office visits more fun, Dr. Slorm liked to deliver his diagnosis by playing charades.
'Mrs. Nortman just sent in this fax of a rash that she's got on her stomach.'
"You should take it easy for a while, Mr. Harner. You've been infected by the virus of hate."
Tags:hate, hatred, anger, furious, curmudgeon, curmudgeons, curmudgeonly, grump, grumps, grumpy, enraged, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosed, examination, examinations, medical exam, medical exams, irate, irritate, irritates, irritating, irritation, irritations, personality, personality type, personality types, virus, viruses
"The results show your masculinity to be benign, but let's keep an eye on it."
Tags:masculine, masculinity, toxic masculinity, toxic, toxicity, benign, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnoses, test result, test results, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, diagnosing, cancer, cancers, cancerous, oncologist, oncologists, oncology, feminist, feminists, men, man, invasive, threaten, threatens, threatening, keep an eye on it, observe, observes, observing, observation, observations, under observation, patient, patients
'I have no idea why your throat hurts, but what I can do is write you a small fortune in prescriptions to help mask the symptoms.'
"I spy London, I spy France...neither of which rhymes with 'yeast infection.'"
Tags:rhyme, rhymes, rhyming, yeast infection, gynecologists, gynecology, london, france, underpants, unhealthy, infection, infections, disease, diseases, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, bedside manner, impolite, polite, politeness, rude, rudeness, embarrass, embarrassing, embarrasses, compromising position, compromising positions, vulnerable, vulnerability
'Your cholesterol is high. Lay off the sea food.'
'That rash on your stomach is a telltale sign of mercury poisoning.'
"I'm afraid you have humans."
Tags:environmentalism, environmentalist, environmentalists, human, mankind, pollute, pollutes, polluting, pollution, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, human activity, climate change, global warming, environmental destruction, extinct, extinction, mass extinction, extinction level event, parasite, parasites, pest, pests, bad news, breaking bad news
"She's a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality—and I can say that because I'm a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality myself."
Tags:gossip, gossips, gossiping, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems, delusion, delusions, delusional, borderline, borderline personality, borderline personalities, psychopath, psychopaths, psychopathic, ego, ego driven, takes one to know one, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis
'Anything else besides shortness of breath?'