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'Somehow your medical records got faxed to a complete stranger. He has no idea what's wrong with you either.'
'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'
'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'
'OK, Mrs. Dunn. We'll slide you in there, scan your brain, and see if we can find out why you've been having these spells of claustrophobia.'
'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'
'The test results are in. The tightness in your chest and numbness in your extremities are caused by the biking outfit you're wearing.'
"Your skin is enlarged."
"I know the doctor said this is only a bad cold, but in case he's mistaken I'd like to hear side eight of 'Der Rosenkavalier' one last time."
"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."
"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."
Tags:cantankerous, doctor, doctors, old age, grow old, growing old, crotchety, old man, old men, grump, grumps, grumpy, grumpiness, surly, temper, tantrum, tantrums, pain in the butt, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, appointment, appointments, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, old age pensioner, pensioner, pensioners
'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'
Tags:american football, american, football, nfl, national football league, concussion, concussed, doc, doctor, doctors, tackle, tackled, tackles, test, tests, diagnose, diagnosis, coach, coached, coaches, coaching, impatient, patience, missing the point, missed the point, in the bleachers, bleachers, in the bleachers
"You're as sound as a euro."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors office, doctors offices, patient, patients, medical result, medical results, diagnoses, diagnosis, sound as a pound, saying, sayings idiom, idioms, euro, euros, currency, euro rate, exchange rate, exchange rates, weak currency, weak currencies, unstable currency, unstable currencies
"I'm afraid you're retaining lawyers."
"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"
Tags:symptom, symptoms, bat, bats, disease, diseases, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, ailment, ailments, superhero, superheroes, hero, heroes, comic book, comic books, signs, sign, test result, test results, diagnosis, diagnosed, medical diagnosis, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, gps, physician, physicians, physical appearance, deformity
"Good news—those lumps were just coal."
Tags:winter, wintertime, snow, snowman, snowmen, weather, season, seasons, seasonal, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, lump, lumps, result, results, diagnosis, diagnoses, coal, charcoal, good news, healthy
"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors appointment, diagnosis, diagnoses, appointments, appointment, symptom, symptoms, internet, internet search, searching, searches, ill, illness, illnesses, unprofessional, clueless, unsure, web search, web searches, internet searches, search engine, search engines, technological advance, technological advances, diagnosing, bedside manner, incompetent, incompetence, patient-doctor relationship, medical malpractice, concern, concerned, concerns
"I'm afraid that novel in you will have to come out."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumors, removal, come out, remove, writer, writers, author, authors, book, books, novel, novels, literature, writer's block, word play, wordplay
"A terminal illness? That's seen as a weakness in my business."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, bad news, terminal illness, terminal disease, terminally ill, bad sign, bad health, unhealthy, terminally ill, sick, ill, death, weakness, weaknesses
"You have Floral-Pattern baldness."
Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.
'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'
My Bookshelf Before the Internet
Tags:search, searches, searching, internet search, internet searches, fact, facts, factoid, factoids, book, books, bookshelf, bookshelves, paranoid, paranoia, common search, common searches, grammar, grammar mistake, grammar mistakes, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, social media, tip, tips, life hack, life hacks, analog, digital, analogue, digital world, modern life, modern lives, modern time, modern times, ex, exes, stalk, stalks, stalking, directions, asking directions, gps, millennial, millennials, gen x, generation x
"Rub this on everything."
Tags:pharmacist, pharmacists, chemist, chemists, prescription, prescriptions, drug store, drug stores, drug, cream, creams, over the counter, pharmacy, pharmacies, customer, customers, customer service, rash, rashes, allergic reactions, allergic reaction, doctor, doctors, diagnose, diagnosis, medication, medications, med, meds, medicine, medicines
"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."
Tags:egypt, egyptian, egyptians, mummy, mummies, pharaoh, pharaohs, outbreak, outbreaks, west nile, west nile virus, virus, viruses, disease, diseases, pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, flu, influenza, cold, colds, common cold, common colds, telltale sign, telltale signs, sign, signs, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnose, mosquito, mosquitoes, mosquito bite, mosquito bites, doctor, doctors
"You'll have to be X-rayed, Mr. Jensen. I seem to be picking up Rush Limbaugh."
Tags:rush limbaugh, overweight, right wing, talk radio, conservative, conservatives, republican, republicans, republican party, partisan, partisans, partisanship, heart problem, heart problems, heart attack, heart attacks, clogged arteries, stethoscope, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, gain weight, gains weight, gaining weight, rush, worry, worries, diagnosis, reason to worry, reasons to worry, heart attack risk, heart attack risks