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'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'
That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..
'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'
'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'
"On this new diet, I'm allowed to cheat once a week. Tonight I'm sleeping with Andy from next door."