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"Perhaps I'll enjoy sharing what's on your iPod, honey, when Hell freezes over."
"Help you look for Elvis? Sorry, I'm a Louis Armstrong fan myself."
"I wanted stalagmites, but Erk here is a stalactite nut."
"Pro-'Gump' section or anti-'Gump' section?"
"Have you got anything that doesn't look like a pressure gauge from the Titanic?"
"Miss Crutchfield, have you gone mad?"
"Table nine sends its compliments, and table fourteen wants to know what the hell was in the soup."
"'City Slickers' was O.K., but, let's face it, it was no 'Claire's Knee.'"
'Grandpa call it easy listening, but it's not.'
"If you ask me, movies today have no plot."
"Lets watch a martial arts movie."
"Hey, how was the movie you watched last night with your dad?"
"I think that thing's ready for the thirdhand store."
'To you, it spoils the wine; to me, it improves the ice cubes.'
"My wife wants a perfume that'll make her irresistable. What have you got that smells like bourbon and cigars?"
"I found the perfect school clothes!"