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"I need something to get rid of gas."
"I can't make it today! I have a plumbing problem myself!"
"Dad, when do you know if you're an adult?"
To disguise the rude sound of your bottom blow-offs, try inserting a duck whistle.
Never exceed the stated dose of laxatives.
'That's the problem with Christian martyrs...the halos are so hard to digest.'
"At your age, you can eat anything you want. You just can't digest most of it."