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A moonshiner waits for his martini.
'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'
'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'
"He was a mainstay of the economy. Now two brewries and a whiskey distillery are on short time and one tobacco wholesaler has gone completely bankrupt."
'Says here, a disgruntled employee brought a gun into the liquor distillery today...to the gills!'
'You're back for a refill? My, you're such a working dog.'
'Jack Gurkenman, lawyer. If you don't get drunk enough to wet your pants, we can sue the destillery!'
'But our secret ingredient is large quantities of Hilberg beer.'
'By distilling this sea water, we now create, every day, 100,000 gallons of detergent-filled drinking water.'
"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."
"Worried about the city's water supply, dear?"