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"I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but our tests show your child is a changeling left by the fairies."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, nurses, patient, patients, exam, exams, examination, examinations, test, tests, testing, genetic testing, dna testing, d.n.a. testing, dna test, dna tests, d.n.a. test, d.n.a. tests, genetic test, genetic tests, parentage, paternity, maternity, changeling, changelings, fairy, fairies, faerie, faeries, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, family, families, adopted, adoption, adoptions, strange, unusual, fantasy, science-fiction, sci-fi, horror, myth, myths, legend, legends, folklore, biology, science, creature, creatures
"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."
Tags:dna, turkey, turkeys, thanksgiving, thanksgivings, bird, birds, delicious, deliciousness, bad news, jail, jails, prison, prisons, dna evidence, dna testing, dna test, dna tests, forensics, criminal, criminals, crime, crimes, public defender, public defenders, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys
"The rug will not be sent out for lab tests."
Tags:court, courts, in court, court of law, judge, judges, dog, dogs, puppy, puppies, pet, pets, pet dog, pet dogs, dog owner, dog owners, guilt, guilty, lab test, lab tests, dna, dna test, dna testing, dna tests, found guilty, burden of proof, evidence, courtroom, courtrooms, peeing on the carpet, weeing on the carpet
'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'
'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'
'Doctor, I'm having a little difficulty with the cheek swab.'
'Wow, great marks. Don't tell Daddy - he already suspects you're not his.'
"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"
Tags:doll, dolls, baby doll, baby dolls, paternity, paternity test, paternity tests, daytime tv, daytime television, talk show, talk shows, dna, dna test, dna tests, judge, judges, judgement, judgements, father, fathers, talk show host, talk show hosts, inappropriate television, inappropriate, precocious
"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."
"According to the DNA sample sent to 23andMe, you're 51% Scandinavian, 35% German, 14% British, and the father of 1,253 'Little Helpers'."
Tags:dna sample, dna samples, dna test, dna tests, dna testing, little helper, little helpers, elf, elves, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, saint nicholas, st. nicholas, st nicholas, st nick, st. nick, festive period, parenthood, affair, affairs, north pole, mrs claus, mrs. claus, santa, adulterer, adulterers
"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."
"I've devised a new paternity test, or as I call it, a pop quiz."
'Completely unacceptable. I don't know how any son of mine could… Oh. OK, I see you even failed the DNA test.'
"It sure would be swell if your last words didn't mention that eyewitness who recanted her testimony, the con that confessed to your crime, the DNA test that proved your innocence, or the fact that I slept through most of your trial."
Tags:lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, death penalty, capital punishment, execution, executions, electrocution, electric chair, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, jail, jails, death row, criminal, criminals, convict, convicts, death, death sentence, death sentences, sentenced to death, not guilty, innocent, confession, confessions, dna test, dna tests, witness, witnesses, eyewitness, eyewitnesses, testimony, incompetent, incompetence, incompetents, last words, dying words, final words, unethical, ethics, miscarriage of justice, failure of justice
'You're the mother and those are your children? -- I'd like to see a DNA test.'
"...and, Diane, does your DNA accept Warren's DNA?"
"I'll need a DNA test on this one, Miss Jones."
Tags:suggestion box, suggestion boxes, employee suggestion, employee suggestions, anonymous, anonymity, anonymous suggestion, anonymous suggestions, dna test, dna tests, boss, bosses, insult, insults, insulted, defensive, angry, anger, angers, identify, identifies, identifying, manager, managers, management
'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'
'But she's too ugly to be my duckling. I want a DNA test!'
Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs on the Maury show: "I have the DNA results right here!"
'The DNA proves you were unjustly convicted, and, in fact, you're the Grand Duke of Luxembourg.'
'And here is my other DNA test.'
'Good news. The DNA proves you're not guilty, you have no genetic diseases, and you're a half-brother of the Prince of Glavistan.'
'DNA analysis of board members shows we're not quite the family business we thought we were.'