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"I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but our tests show your child is a changeling left by the fairies."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, nurses, patient, patients, exam, exams, examination, examinations, test, tests, testing, genetic testing, dna testing, d.n.a. testing, dna test, dna tests, d.n.a. test, d.n.a. tests, genetic test, genetic tests, parentage, paternity, maternity, changeling, changelings, fairy, fairies, faerie, faeries, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, family, families, adopted, adoption, adoptions, strange, unusual, fantasy, science-fiction, sci-fi, horror, myth, myths, legend, legends, folklore, biology, science, creature, creatures
"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."
Tags:dna, turkey, turkeys, thanksgiving, thanksgivings, bird, birds, delicious, deliciousness, bad news, jail, jails, prison, prisons, dna evidence, dna testing, dna test, dna tests, forensics, criminal, criminals, crime, crimes, public defender, public defenders, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys
"The rug will not be sent out for lab tests."
Tags:court, courts, in court, court of law, judge, judges, dog, dogs, puppy, puppies, pet, pets, pet dog, pet dogs, dog owner, dog owners, guilt, guilty, lab test, lab tests, dna, dna test, dna testing, dna tests, found guilty, burden of proof, evidence, courtroom, courtrooms, peeing on the carpet, weeing on the carpet
'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'
"I got my DNA analysis back. Guess what - I'm a Hapsburg."
Tags:relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, science, biology, genetics, gene, genes, dna, d.n.a., dna testing, genetic testing, analysis, result, results, history, historical, ancestor, ancestors, ancestry, family tree, genealogy, genealogist, genealogists, family history, lineage, hapsburg, hapsburgs, family, families, royal, royalty, regal, crown, crowns
'Doctor, I'm having a little difficulty with the cheek swab.'
"They've checked the DNA and it's gingerbread."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, laws, legal, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, defence, defense, defendant, defendants, client, clients, evidence, proof, dna, genetic testing, dna testing, food, gingerbread, gingerbread man, gingerbread men, cookie, cookies, biscuit, biscuits, science
'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'
"Your D.N.A. test shows you're predisposed to sue doctors."
"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."
"According to the DNA sample sent to 23andMe, you're 51% Scandinavian, 35% German, 14% British, and the father of 1,253 'Little Helpers'."
Tags:dna sample, dna samples, dna test, dna tests, dna testing, little helper, little helpers, elf, elves, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, saint nicholas, st. nicholas, st nicholas, st nick, st. nick, festive period, parenthood, affair, affairs, north pole, mrs claus, mrs. claus, santa, adulterer, adulterers
"Its DNA is consistent with meat loaf."
Tags:meatloaf, meat loaf, mystery meat, food, meat, mystery, mysterious, unknown, dna, d.n.a., dna testing, d.n.a. testing, food, genetically modified organisms, gmo, g.m.o., science, restaurant, restaurants, diner, diners, service, dining, dining out, eating out, chef, chefs, cook, cooks, cooking, dish, dishes, meal, inedible
'Completely unacceptable. I don't know how any son of mine could… Oh. OK, I see you even failed the DNA test.'
'But she's too ugly to be my duckling. I want a DNA test!'
'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'
'And here is my other DNA test.'
'Good news. The DNA proves you're not guilty, you have no genetic diseases, and you're a half-brother of the Prince of Glavistan.'
'DNA analysis of board members shows we're not quite the family business we thought we were.'
'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'
'No, no I meant the other royal bones!'
Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'
'What do we do with the ones exonerated by a new DNA test?'
"Well, at least you're in fashion - You have distressed genes."
'So it wasn't a speed hump...'