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"It's not our policy to disclose details of a future operation."
"Does the doctor hug?"
"It's your ear, nose, and throat."
"Take this, in case it flares up again."
An extremely general practitioner
"I need the epipen? I need the epipen?! Where am I going to get that kind of money to pay for it?"
"I'm sorry--I'm a left-foot podiatrist."
Man enters Gastroenterologist's and has two doors: "Spleen Vent" and "Gut Check"
"The doctor didn't find anything wrong with me. Shouldn't he waive the co-pay?"
'Felt fine before I got here. Must've caught this from someone in the waiting room.'
"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."
"Just finding a parking space in the hospital's parking structure - that was your stress test!"
"Dr. Federson is here with a second opinion about your condition and a few other subjects."