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"The doctor would like you to pee into this chalice."
'Everything came back negative.'
"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."
'This operation should remove the swelling in your wallet - I mean, knee.'
Tags:doctors, doctor, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctor's clinic, patient, patients, doctors surgery, doctor's surgery, doctors surgeries, fortune, fortunes, fortune cookie, fortune cookies, appointment, appointments, doctor's appointment, unprofessional, professionalism, superstition, superstitions, superstitious, diagnose, diagnosis, medical diagnosis, cookie, cookies, cookie jar, sick, sickness, medical exam, medical exams, ill, illness
'Good news! That spot is B-9!'
'I feel on top of the world, panicky, dizzy and nauseated. I'm afraid of heights.'
Golfer at chiroprator.
'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'
'How do I know the 5 out of 6 doctors who recommend that drug aren't stockholders in the drug company?'
'House calls? He doesn't even make phone calls!'
Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.
"We're out of flu shots."
Tags:clinic, clinics, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, md, mds, doctors surgery, doctor's surgery, doctor's surgeries, doctors surgeries, flu shot, flu shots, flu-shot, flu-shots, flu jab, flu jabs, flu-jabs, flu-jab, tissue, tissue, box of tissues, replacement, replacements, substitute, substitution, substituting, substitutions, inadequate, inadequacy, unreliable, unreliability, health care, underfunded, cut backs, cut-backs, cut back, cut-backs, public spending, public spending cuts
'Let's ease into this -- I want you to try fasting between meals.'
'So you're saying, I'm done for, Doc.' 'I don't like that kind of talk... It's, 'I'm done for, DOCTOR.''
Waiting room occupants are called 'patients'...coincidence?
"When did we switch from magazines to musical instruments?"
'There is no cure but the good news is we have some great support groups.'
"Look – now I've gone and caught your stupid disease!"
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, exam room, examination room, medical examination, medical examinations, medical, gp, general practitioner, gps, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors, disease, diseases, contagious, contagious disease, contagious diseases, contagion, infectious disease, infectious diseases, infectious, infection, bedside manner, bad bedside manner, unprofessional, unprofessional behavior, unprofessional behaviour
"Stress is killing you—you need an easier job, a smaller house, and a different family."
Tags:doctor, doctors, check-up, check up, check-ups, check ups, physical, physicals, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctor's clinic, medical check up, medical check ups, gp, gps, md, mds, general practitioner, general practitioners, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, doctor's surgery, doctor's surgeries, stressed, stress, stressing, stressed out, anxiety, anxieties, anxiety disorder, anxiety disorders, rat race, the rat race, middle class, middle class life, unhappy, unhappiness, depression, depressive, depressives, depressed, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes
'It might help if you were more cordial with your patients.' 'Dammit, Nurse -- I'm a doctor, not an actor!'
Lawrence of Anaemia - Your red blood cell count is shockingly low.
'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'
'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'