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'Actually I think you'll find it's really more like this.'
'I'm afraid we've lost all your records but a focus group we consulted was 49% in favour of you being pregnant.'
'Where would we be without the right documentation?'
'If we allow you to use exception coding just because someone is a little bit dead then there's no knowing where it might end.'
TRUST: 'Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?'
DOH to judge practices on 'voluntary' quality scheme.
NHS Confederation suggest that patients be allowed to register with A&E Departments.
NHS development plan
'We are losing him...I need more meaningless targets NOW!'
"What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong,"
"Supersize surgeries will not prohibit an individual service, this for example is individual No 1347/98c."
Suffolk GP saves ?1000s by conducting vasectomies in-house.
He's obviously depressed,let's label him and see if several years of unemployment and poor relationships helps his condition.
As you can see from his violent resistance to being injected with a cocktail of psychotropic drugs, the patient is clearly ill.
I thought we'd look at reducing your medication and replacing it with eight hugs a day before and after meals.
An obsession with drugs,delusions of power,paranoid tendencies...still enough about me what can I do for you?
It's outrageous to be labelling people 'bonkers'these days - put this one on instead.
GP Pint Pot - Increased opening hours/health mot's/5% NHS Services.
This man is obviously delusional - he thinks he should have a decent job and a good car like the rest of us.
Make him take about 16 of these a day until we feel better about what we're doing to him!
He has visions of world peace, he hears angels,he's mad, bring me drugs!
TRUST: "Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?"