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"As part of new security measures, Doris has locked me out of the house."
"Sure, you were able to beat the bottle, but you never really had a passion for drinking.''
'Actually, I'm more of a control nut - not a control freak. A nut is a freak you kind of like.'
The Reigning King of Downplay
An ironic epiphany: "Wow, right, AS IF!"