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"I woke up in a tattoo parlor in Tijuana. You can imagine my surprise."
"Never get a tattoo when you're drunk and hungry."
"What happens at the holiday office party stays at the holiday office party?"
"I really hope she's high on something."
It was after midnight, and the wine had completely taken over.
"I'm sorry I said that. It was the beer captioning."
Tortoise and Hedgehog awake from hibernation in same bed after pre hibernation party.
Some apps are really useful.
Yacht club: 'Can he call back? Everyone is out getting tattooed!'
'Did I behave myself last night dear, er, who the hell are you?'
'You know what it means when you come home to a little affection, a little sympathy?... It means your'e in the wrong house!'
"Don't play the innocent with me! I know it was you who texted my ex last night."
"If you are looking for your clothes, you left them at last night's office party."