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"We had a good run, Ted, but I simply don't have the counter space."
'It's not us, Louis. It's our medications that don't interact well together.'
It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.
'I just think we should start dating other artifacts.'
"I can't go out with you again. There just isn't any chemistry between us."
"My brain can no longer maintain the intense neural activity of infatuation."
See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!
Nobody dumps her and gets away with it.
'I said I didn't want to see you anymore. Gawd, you're as bad as the others.'
Me and Ian...we've split up. Yes! Thank you God! Oh no, that's awful...
I'm sorry, I hope we can still be friends... I'm so glad you gave me another chance!
I don't know what to say, I'm sorry you guys broke up...
Where's Lisa? Wait till she sees who I'm with now, then she'll be sorry!
'I feel obligated to tell you that this offer may expire without prior written notice.'
'I can't date a man who calls a see-saw a teeter-totter.'
'When I said, 'Can't we just be friends?' I didn't actually MEAN, can't we just be friends?' 'Oh!'
'I promise I don't want to break up with you, honey. That letter wasn't even meant for you!'
Fish to fish with bigger fish behind: 'Let me guess ... you're seeing someone else!'
'I thought I was really stuck on Richard, but it turned out it was just static cling.'
'I've never been good at keeping relationships. As a kid, my boomerang wouldn't even come back.'
''Dumping You' is such a harsh term. I prefer 'Recycling You.''
'LOOK! You're a nice guy, but...' 'Curse this character flaw.'