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"We had a good run, Ted, but I simply don't have the counter space."
'It's not us, Louis. It's our medications that don't interact well together.'
It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.
'I just think we should start dating other artifacts.'
"My brain can no longer maintain the intense neural activity of infatuation."
'I said I didn't want to see you anymore. Gawd, you're as bad as the others.'
Nobody dumps her and gets away with it.
I'm sorry, I hope we can still be friends... I'm so glad you gave me another chance!
I don't know what to say, I'm sorry you guys broke up...
Where's Lisa? Wait till she sees who I'm with now, then she'll be sorry!
Me and Ian...we've split up. Yes! Thank you God! Oh no, that's awful...
'I feel obligated to tell you that this offer may expire without prior written notice.'
'I can't date a man who calls a see-saw a teeter-totter.'
'I promise I don't want to break up with you, honey. That letter wasn't even meant for you!'
'When I said, 'Can't we just be friends?' I didn't actually MEAN, can't we just be friends?' 'Oh!'
Fish to fish with bigger fish behind: 'Let me guess ... you're seeing someone else!'
'I thought I was really stuck on Richard, but it turned out it was just static cling.'
'I've never been good at keeping relationships. As a kid, my boomerang wouldn't even come back.'
''Dumping You' is such a harsh term. I prefer 'Recycling You.''
'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'
'LOOK! You're a nice guy, but...' 'Curse this character flaw.'
'I'm sorry, John, but we can only ever be friends.' 'HA! You'd be killed in the rush of all the girls who only want to be my friend.'